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Home?

2010-08-15T17:40:00.003+02:00

Well, I'm now back. 15 weeks in South Africa, 19 hours of flight time, and I'm back in Virginia. I'm home... sort of.
Right now Greg and I are still Nomads, living in friends' houses, and trying to figure out how to resettle into life here in Virginia Beach.

Two weeks back and I've gotten the same question about a hundred times, "How was South Africa?" What is the answer to that? Do you want the 2 minute answer, the 20 minute answer, or the 3 day answer?

My difficulty to answer this question probably comes from the same reason I haven't written in my blog. How do I put into words such an experience? How could I do justice to expressing what God is doing in South Africa, and what he is doing in my life? How do I try to explain what it's like to be a foreigner in a society of dozens of overlapping cultures. Each group of people has its own economic standing, social expectations, internal and external conflicts, and frequently separate languages. Right now, South Africa is in the midst of a precarious status quo; many separate groups living in the same space, and unsure how to react to each other.

God's desire is to reach each culture, and each people group, around the globe. Too often we, as followers of Christ, decide who to reach out to based on who we are. We live with filters of what we think people need and of what we think it means to love people, but too often we miss the mark.

I think one of the challenging parts of being in South Africa, was that God opened my eyes enough to know that the Western church very often gets things wrong. Unfortunately, God left out the piece about what the answer is supposed to be. As frustrating as that can be, I recognize this to be intentional. If God withholds knowledge, He challenges me to follow Him instead of my own wisdom.

So how do I reconcile all of this? How do I take the experiences this summer and use them to produce fruit in Virginia Beach? How do I not get frustrated about Hummers with 30 inch rims when there are children who need food? But who am I to decide that owning my Honda is better than owning a Hummer?

Why does this place feel so foreign, that once felt like home?

Ok, so I'm a failure as a blogger

2010-07-02T22:06:00.003+02:00

I'm now just shy of posting a month apart. I tried to commit to writing at least once a week, and I clearly did not reach that goal. Still, please have some grace for me, I have not been sitting around. The last three weeks have been incredibly busy.

Tomorrow (Saturday the 3rd) will mark the return of our Week 3 Trailer Ministry teams. This was our biggest week so far, with trailers in 10 different communities. In each of the previous two weeks we had trailers in 5 communities, and the logistics involved in that has been tremendous. It's been interesting that this week has been actually a little easier because we've gotten into a rhythm. We've had teams arriving, being trained, out on ministry, coming back, debriefing, and going home, all overlapping, so the timing and details have certainly been a challenge.

This week has been quite different for me because it started with me lying in bed with an Angry African Flu. Clearly, this is not it's actual name but I haven't had a flu like that in years. I was pretty well stuck in bed for going on 5 days which brought on horrible cabin fever. Still, with time and antibiotics, I'm doing much better and for the last two days I actually got to go out with one of our teams. We were with New Life Praise Church in Stinkwater (pronounce this town stink-V-ater... Afrikaans makes a W sound like a V). Working in this area was definitely a lesson in small town politics and corruption, but that's a story for another time.

Thank you for all of your prayers and support, I'll try to be better about posting in the coming weeks. As I have time, I'll try to put up a quick story or two from this last month. I hope you're all diligently watching the World Cup, and feel free to email me anytime =)

5 More things I've Learned about South Africa

2010-06-03T16:49:00.009+02:00

1) A monkey in a church will inevitably get poo on the one piece of exposed sound equipment.

A monkey we have named Herman has moved into our grounds in the last few days, and Tuesday he managed to sneak his way into the church. This was hilarious and a little frightening, because we didn't know if he would get violent if he got cornered. Still, he did a spectacular job flinging poo everywhere. I haven't been able to snap a picture of him yet, but I'll get one soon. MONKEY IN THE CHURCH! Africa is awesome.

2) Greg lied to me and made me believe there is a bird who is afraid of heights.

The hadeda ibis is a ridiculously loud bird. They're named that because they say "HA-DE-DA, HA-DE-DA!" really loud while flying. Greg convinced me that they're afraid of heights and don't like to fly. Part of me feels stupid for having believed him, but I like the idea that they're afraid of heights because they yell the whole time they're flying. I reject the reality and substitute my own.

3) It is important for the safety of those around you to stay on Twitter during a staff meeting.

Monday morning we were sitting in staff meeting and Bruce (our associate pastor) falls over laughing. He said, "Marcel just posted to Twitter: "If anyone is reading this at Eastside, I'm stuck in the bathroom. Can you please come let me out?"'
Marcel, one of the Ignite interns, was in fact, stuck in the bathroom stall because the handle on the inside had broken off. However, this story gets more ridiculous because Marcel was the 3rd person to get stuck in that bathroom. A 10-year-old boy got stuck on Friday and an American guy named Nate got stuck an hour after arriving in South Africa. Marcel wandered around telling people not to get stuck and we posted a sign, only to get himself stuck and tell everyone in the land of Twitter about it.

4) In the grocery store, you can buy a frozen bag of chicken heads and chicken feet. They are called Walkie Talkies. (I'm not joking about this... the name is ridiculous... and the chickens still have beaks and eyeballs.)

5)Nothing in ministry is final until it has already happened.

I am now at the point of assuming that all things will change constantly, and anything that can go wrong will go wrong. Still, the World Cup starts tomorrow whether we're ready or not - so hopefully God's got the rest of the details in His hands =)

Keep praying for the orientations and send-out of our first teams this weekend!

I Consider Myself Repremanded

2010-06-03T16:05:00.009+02:00

Annie - Your white girl american fans are awaiting a blog update .
-stacy

Alright, as the 6 of you reading this demand... here's Africa post #3! I've already broken my commitment to post once a week, but I'll try to be more consistent from here.

So what am I actually doing here?

Well, this is what my days look like.

First, this is the view I wake up to. (Admittedly, the polution adds to the beauty of the sunrise, but it is still a spectacular panorama of Pretoria.) Our apartment (aka "flat") is in an area of town called Queenswood which is a decent drive from Eastside, but it's spacious and comfortable, so no complaints. Right now I'm living here with Kelsey and Christina, two other American interns who arrived about 10 days ago.

The three of us commute in one of two vehicles. #1 is the Bloubessie. She is a spunky, electric blue (her name means "Blueberry" in Afrikaans) Daewoo Matiz packed with a 0.9 Liter (yes... less than 1 liter) engine. There is NOTHING power in the car, no power steering, no power locks, no speakers, no radio, not even a working overhead light. Greg calls her a motorcycle with a roof. But, I do not complain. She has been excellent transport. The other vehicle I drive is the polar opposite of the Bloubessie, a Volkswagen Kombi named Tannie Aster ("Tannie Aster" means "Auntie Iron" in Afrikaans). In a land of small cars, this is a mega-soccer-mom van. It's nice for transporting people and stuff, and people always let me merge on the highway, but it's obnoxiously big.

40 minutes after leaving our lovely flat, we arrive at Eastside. The grounds at Eastside are beautiful. When they bought the land (4 years ago, I think?), everyone said it was a horrible place for a church that nothing would ever grow on the land. But alas, we have amazing grounds guys and the flowers are still blooming in what is quickly becoming winter. (I don't know the name of this flower, I just think it's really neat looking. I'll ask one of the guys and see if I can find out the name.)

Mornings always start with quiet time and prayer meeting, and 2 days a week we have workout club. After that, the day is filled with meetings, emails, phone calls, and general preparation for connecting our teams with the churches we're working with around the Gautang area (Gautang is the province we're in).

It seems unbelievable that I've been here almost a month, and more unbelievable that the World Cup is only 8 days away. At times this task seems insurmountable, but each day God has given us a new reason to trust his faithfulness. This morning for example, Joint Aid Management (JAM) Food Ministries committed to donate as much food as we need to feed every kid we meet on ministry. That's between 3500 & 4000 kilograms (7700-8800) pounds of food free of charge. With portions around 100 grams per child, we can provide 40,000 meals over these 4 weeks. Pretty incredible.

Thanks for all your prayers, please keep praying as the teams begin to go into ministry in the coming weeks. If you want to follow more about the ministry, we're now launching a website www.trailerministry.com where you can follow more of what's happening when I'm not consistent updating my blog =)

Dumela a Tshwane!

2010-05-16T15:21:00.005+02:00

10 days in South Africa and I have had quite an education so far. Here are 5 fun things I've learned since I've been here:

1) I've learned that Pretoria is no longer called Pretoria. The new name of this city is Tshwane, which makes much more sense given that it is in a region that speaks mostly the tribal language of Tshwana. I've tried to learn as much Tswana as I can, but there are lots of sounds that are not in English. Last weekend we had a training in the region of Hammanskraal with the pastors of the churches we'll be working with in the area. We spent all of Saturday training their church volunteers to run programs within their churches, and many of the volunteers had fun trying to teach me Tswana. I have "thank you" down, and I'm definitely ok with "hello" (dumela) but a few of the other important words like "good morning", "good evening" and "good bye" I'm still practicing. My pronunciation of those is very white girl American. But the churches have been really excited about building children's programs and soccer programs, and it's exciting that we get to be a part of helping resource their ideas.

2) I've also learned a few important Afrikaans phrases, most specifically, "Gaan kotz in die bos." This means "Go puke in the bush." It can be used in it's literal form, but mostly is used to dismiss anyone who is being ridiculous.

3) Many South Africans (particularly taxi drivers) consider driving laws optional, particularly stop signs and robots (aka stoplights). Also, merging is a vehicular demonstration of Survival of the Fittest; Darwin would be proud.

4) God can, and does, provide for His people in miraculous ways. We had about 120 people to feed lunch to on Saturday, and there is no way that the gas to cook the rice or the rice itself should have lasted. But as we scooped out rice, it continued to extend, and we ended up with two small bowls left over. It was awesome to watch. Those same meals will be what we're bringing with our trailers during the World Cup. We want to feed every child that comes to a Holiday Club, and we are doing it with this rice meal that is supplemented with vitamins. We can feed 6 kids for just 36 US cents; it's quite a product. We're still about $3500 short, but God has already shown up, and we believe he will continue to do so.

5) Cricket is a very odd game. Two guys run back and forth between three sticks on each side and have to hit a ball that is bowled by a guy who pitches kind of like fast-pitch softball. Saturday afternoon I put these big leg protectors on and giant squishy gloves and learned to bat in some batting cages. It's quite an odd hitting motion, particularly with all the gear on. But honestly, more odd than that is the fact that in the original form of the game, it lasts 5 days, 8 hours each day. What kind of spectator sport lasts 40 straight hours? And, within those 8 hours there are two tea breaks and a lunch break. I'm not convinced it should be permissible to have a tea break during a sporting event. However, Greg is playing on a team that plays a short version of the game called 20/20 Cricket. It only took about 2 1/2 hours to play. This was much more tolerable than 8 hours with tea breaks.

You can see a few of my pictures from the first week are up (just click on the slideshow and they'll come up full screen). I'll post more later in the week (uploading just uses a lot of bandwidth).

Thanks for all your prayers - keep praying for more food, blankets, and volunteers.

~A

Welkom in Pretoria!

2010-05-06T21:44:00.003+02:00

(Welcome to Pretoria... in Afrikaans)
I am now in the process of absorbing at least two new languages (Afrikaans and Tswana) plus the dialect that is South African English.

I landed last night around 6pm local time after a long and excellently turbulent flight. (It was about 4 hours of turbulence... I thought the fuselage was going to just split apart at the seems.) But alas, I landed and so did both my bags (though I did also learn not to borrow a bag right before a trip - I had no idea which black rectangular bag was mine).

Greg picked me up from the airport and took me out to his apartment complex where my excellent host family had organized a braai (a South African barbeque) to welcome me. It also felt quite good to sleep in a bed last night.

Today, I jumped in (was thrown in?) with both feet with three meetings with leaders and pastors to discuss upcoming plans. It's great to see so many people getting behind one vision and one mission.

The plan for tomorrow is one more meeting with a pastor, and then 6 of us are driving off to Hammanskraal (about 35 minutes north of Pretoria) to run the 2nd of 5 trainings for pastors and volunteers in the area. When the international teams come in, they will work with a local, under-resourced church and the local church volunteers to run programs for the local children, teens, and adults in the area. So this training is for those pastors and local volunteers. One of the big goals of this program is to help empower many of the under-resourced churches to use what they have to reach their communities in positive ways.

Still In Virginia

2010-05-04T15:59:00.002+02:00

Ok, so for those of you who were expecting a "Annie Landed Safely" message... I haven't taken off yet. Due to bad weather in Atlanta my flight into Atl got canceled and I rebooked for today. So, I take off for Atlanta in a couple of hours and with any luck I'll land in SA tomorrow (Wednesday) around Noon Eastern (US) time, 6pm SA time.

Thanks for your prayers, I'll let you know when I get there.

Preparation?

2010-05-01T05:07:00.002+02:00

How is it, that after months of preparation I still feel so extraordinarily unprepared to go to South Africa? All I've done for weeks is make lists, run errands, send emails, make phone calls, organize, pack, plan, sell 80% of my worldly possessions, and yet I still don't feel ready to leave. I know my brain says that no one ever feels ready to leave, but that doesn't steady my emotions enough to make me sleep well. Andy Stanley has said that no one is ever more than 80% sure of any major change and I guess that 20% feels as if it is bearing down on me tonight.

I have Pandora playing on a worship station right now and Passion's version of "Better is One Day" is on.
Better is one day in Your courts, better is one day in Your house, Better is one day in Your courts, than thousands elsewhere

Lord, teach me to trust that truth. I am following as You have asked, I am choosing to be obedient in the tasks you have put before me, but I am having trouble seeing the blessing beyond the sacrifice. I want to believe that my life will be more blessed and more fruitful and more honoring to You and those around me as I am following Your direction into Your "courts" and Your ministry, but my head doesn't know how to trust that right now.

Steph and I were watching tv the other day and this commercial came on where this couple was talking about the horrible weeds in their back yard and the struggle in destroying the dandelions. I made fun of it and told Steph that if Greg and I ever get to a point where our biggest stress in life is killing the weeds in our lawn, she has free permission to punch me in the face.

She laughed but responded (perhaps quite prophetically), "Yeah, but there may come a day when you'll wish your biggest stress is the weeds in your lawn."

I know, that with the greatest challenges come the greatest growth. And I am honored that God would think I am worthy of such an incredible task, but that doesn't make me feel any more prepared.

But, tomorrow the sun will rise. I cannot think 10 months down the road, for that matter I can't think 10 days down the road. I will choose to honor God with tomorrow... and then I'll go from there.

2 talks!

2010-04-29T03:02:00.003+02:00

I'm a little behind on getting talks online

We did a series at Fuse in March about Honoring God with our Time, Talent & Treasure. Here's my talk on honoring God with our treasure: enjoy =)

Here's my talk from last week about Jesus: 100% God and 100% Man.

Ok, More excitement than you guys can handle!

Thoughts? Questions? Comments? let me know =)

19 days... Unbelieveable

2010-04-15T03:56:00.002+02:00

I'm not even sure I've written that much about my trip, but Monday May 3rd I leave for 3 months in South Africa. All the planning, all the preparation, all the work... and I'm down to 19 days.

The story of how I've gotten to this point is a wonderful story of God's provision. When I get a few extra minutes, I'll post that. My goal while I'm down there is to post stories and pictures each week on my Sabbath day (maybe Tuesdays?), but for now, please be praying for safe travel and the preparation of my heart.

I am so thrilled to be able to take this time to serve the people in South Africa. ... And I can't wait for some more African Worship!

Sometimes We Just Have to Show Up

2010-02-25T05:44:00.002+02:00

This week at work has been nuts and exhausting. It has also not helped that the Olympics are on and force me to stay up late to watch the intensity of obscure sports like skicross and women's bobsledding (both of which I would really like to try!). All that to say that tonight as I was driving home from work I was thinking of every reason why I shouldn't go help at Nitelife (our middle school youth group) tonight.

I said a short prayer of, "God, I don't have anything left, if I'm going to be at all useful tonight to this ministry, it's going to have to be through your stength and your stength alone." And with that, I drove over there, totally exhausted but willing to try.

And God provided. Upon arriving, I had immediate energy and God reminded me why I love middle schoolers.

He's done this before, but I need to be taught this lesson quite often. God sometimes just wants us to show up. He's ready to do the work through us, if we just ask and make ourselves available as willing hands and feet.

Why I love Jane Austen.

2010-02-06T06:49:00.006+02:00

**Note: I almost didn't post this after I wrote it, but I'm being brave and truthful on a topic in which I think many can relate. Ok so here goes.**

This is a discourse I have repeated rather frequently, but tonight Steph and I drank tea and watched Sense and Sensibility, so I am again obliged to dote on Jane Austen. Look, it even effects my writing. What a very Jane-Austen-type first sentence.

And yes, I love the way her characters interact and the dialogue they use, but more than that, I love her view on love.

Too often I am frustrated with the way movies and books and tv shows view love. Love sparks into a burning flame and then is extinguished in rapid succession with few consequences. Too many movies attempt to illustrate love between characters by simply a romantic line, a passionate sex scene, and some sweet conversation they have lying next to each other with artfully placed bedsheets. But that's too easy. That's cheapening love into some sappy combination of emotional and physical lust. I describe it that way particularly because I think too many times women lust after emotional connection, no matter how temporary or contrived. But that is not love.

Love is complicated. It is selfless and committed. It seeks the good of another before the good of oneself. Often love is confusing, and frequently it can be crushing. The term "heartache" is very aptly named and doesn't just happen at the end of a relationship. When love cannot be bistowed on whom the heart is attached, whether because of distance or dischord, the heart aches. Just as love is not easily grown, heartache cannot easily be remedied. It is the opposite of the passionate fire and quickly extinguished lust. But the slow, steady attachment is the right kind of love.

Jane Austen's characters must see all sides of the complexity of love before they are able to find real love. Now, it is true that all of her characters always ultimately end in love, but isn't that what we all want in the end? In Sense and Sensibility there are a series of star-crossed lovers who keep their love for one another a secret from the world. It is the loyalty and longing between these separated lovers that is ultimately much more fulfilling than any spontaneous encounter and passionate sex scene.

It's like Jim & Pam in the Office. It's Jim's extended devotion to her even when she was not reciprocating affection that is so engaging and powerful.

Perhaps I am biased toward this kind of love. It is the kind of love I know best; the kind that knows the deep ache of separation and the elation of reunion. And though it seems difficult and complicated and confusing, I would never trade this love for the emotional and physical lust that is advertised in most modern stories.

I think if we spent more time learning to be like Elinor Dashwood and less time learning the lessons of the doctors of Grey's Anatomy, our views of relationships and marriages would be much more sound.

Exodus 6

2010-02-02T06:31:00.002+02:00

This year, Greg and I have decided to read through the Bible. We've chosen a chronological reading plan which I really like because I'm interested to see how all of the books overlap and see how the events lead to one another. Right now, my knowledge of the Old Testament is many snapshots and stories, but I lack the big picture in many places.

Therefore, throughout the year I'll just be posting interesting things that I have been studying. First, did you know that the book of Job falls before the time of Abraham? We read the book of Job after chapter 11 of Genesis, then picked Genesis back up and finished it a few days ago. On to Exodus.

I love Moses because he is so amazingly human. We tend to think of him as this great prophet and leader, but he was hesitant and unbelieving and came up with every excuse he could think of to not follow through with what God had asked of him. Have I ever done that. Surely I have been in Moses shoes (though, perhaps with not such a great task ahead of me as he had).

But today I was actually most engaged not in what Moses did, but in the Israelites. The beginning of Chapter 6 is a profound promise that the Lord gives to Moses that reaffirms all of the truths that he told Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob. God promises deliverence and redemption. God finishes his speech to Moses by saying "I am the LORD" where the word LORD is YHWH in Hebrew. It means the existing one. The name was considered so holy that most Hebrews would never dare speak it. It is power and authority, and He is declaring his intentions and actions.

And the Israelites ignored Him.

vs.9 "Moses reported this to the Israelites, but they did not listen to him because of their discouragement and cruel bondage."

At this point the Israelites already knew that God has spoken to Moses, but their circumstances and struggles blinded them to the spectacular miracle that was about to take place around them and for them. How many times has God wanted to change my circumstances, deliver me, and bless me, when I was not open to accept his blessing? How many times have I gotten lost in my own earthly troubles and missed the Heavenly plan going on around me? For generations the Israelites had cried out to God for deliverance, but they were not ready for it when it came. Am I prepared for God to answer all the prayers I have asked of him? If tomorrow, God opened the floodgates of blessing onto my life, would I respond with joy and thanksgiving or continue to focus on other struggles in my life?

How do I teach what I don't yet understand?

2010-01-24T07:44:00.003+02:00

I should be sleeping, but sometimes the only way of working through things is to write them out.

9am Sunday mornings I teach Middle School Sunday school. Earlier tonight I realized I wanted to talk about the tragedy in Haiti, and where is God in the midst of this kind of pain and suffering? But as I have been working on the Scripture and the lesson plan... I feel like the more I seek the less I know.

There are dozens of passages of scripture about suffering and enduring for the sake of Christ, but most of them are based on the idea of persecution due to faith. What about natural disasters? What about random acts of hate? I went over to my book shelf and pulled Matt Rogers' book "When Answers Aren't Enough" hoping to refresh some great wisdom or passage to help my kids understand. But as I flipped back through the book, scar tissue began to wear away, and I once again felt the sting of April 16th. This book was written in the year following the shootings and many of the experiences Matt shared were experiences I know and remember vividly.

It's funny, because in the almost 3 years since the tragedy I have talked to dozens, probably hundreds of people about what happened. "You graduated from Virginia Tech?" "Yes, back in 2007." "Oh... so were you... like there?" "Yes, I was. But it didn't at all ruin my experience at school. In fact, once the media left, things were much more stable. It was so great to see the community build around one another and come together for support." I have repeated this conversation many times.

But I think I still have so many unanswered questions! Why that day?! Why those people?! One day later and I would have been in that building, in one of those rooms at 9:30am. One change of day may have saved my life. but why?

I thought I had dealt with so many of these questions, and though I know the answers I, as a follower of Jesus, should give, sometimes they just don't seem adequate. Do I believe that in "all things God works for the good of those who love Him and are called according to his purpose"? Yes. Do I believe that Jesus came that we might have "life, and life to the full"? Yes. Do I believe that God has plans for me that are to "prosper and not to harm, but to give hope and a future"? Yes. And I know, that death and tragedy and evil and hate are a result of sin in a fallen, broken world... but why that moment? Why wasn't it me? Why didn't the gun jam? I know that God does not produce evil, I know that God is perfectly righteous, and I know that God has far more power than Satan. So why did God not intervene on April 16th?

How can I teach what I don't yet understand? I don't know. But I refuse to shy away from the subject just because I am still learning. Tomorrow morning, I will sit with my middle schoolers and we will talk. If nothing else, I want them to know that to be confused is ok. To be frustrated is ok. To be angry is ok. Sometimes God is just asking us to pursue our questions, not to have all the answers.

Isaac & Rebekah

2009-10-07T05:07:00.002+02:00

A Godly Marriage.

I feel kind of cliche writing about this, but I guess it's also important that God is teaching me things about it. Theknot.com says Greg and I have 347 days until we get married; this seems like an eternity and in instant at the same time. Tonight one verse in Genesis jumped out at me. It reveals an intimate portrait of a husband and a wife living under God's plan and provision.

Genesis 25:21 "Isaac prayed to the Lord on behalf of his wife, because she was barren. The Lord answered his prayer and his wife Rebekah became pregnant."

Isaac knew that he was the blessed child that God had promised his parents for so many years. He knew that God had promised to fulfill his covenant to His people through his lineage, but yet his wife was barren.

Beth Moore wrote an interesting commentary about this passage, "God wasn't about to let such an important promise seem naturally fulfilled. Had Isaac and Rebekah conceived the first year, they would have been tremendously less attentive to spiritual purpose and divine participation."

For some reason, God chose women to bare children instead of men, and too often as our modern society shows, men can become detached from the whole process after their initial participation. God did not want Isaac to feel detached from the importance of the children with whom He was about to bless him & Rebekah. Rebekah could not fulfill God's plan on her own, she needed Isaac to pray over her so they could fulfill God's plan together.

Still, I can't help but notice it was 20 years between their marriage and the ultimate birth of Esau & Jacob. Did it take Isaac 20 years to think God might want him to pray over Rebekah, or did he do it all along, and God just waited to fulfill the promise? Either way, it does show the growth of a Godly man desiring to lead his marriage in a Godly way.

We women in modern America are too often able to "do it on our own." Whatever it is, whether in jobs or raising children or whatever. There has been a trend in Hollywood for late30s and early40s actresses to adopt or have a baby without a man around. But this goes against what God wants for his people. There is a generation of complacent men in America because women have not allowed them to learn to lead.

I am thrilled that I have a man who desires to lead our relationship, and I pray I am never a hindrance in what God is building in him. I love the idea of God blessing him so dramatically that his prayers over me are more powerful than any I could pray on my own.

I guess God does like us to be in community.

Refreshing Relationships

2009-09-30T04:12:00.005+02:00

Last night was an incredible reminder of the value and necessity of having Godly female relationships.

Sher Vogel & Katie Pepiot came over to visit Steph & I and have dinner with us. We all met at VT, and at various times we have been together in classes and homegroup and mission trips. Our paths have happened to recross here in VA Beach for a short time, so dinner was required.

Katie returned in August from 2 years serving in the Peace Corps in South Africa, and Monday October 5th Sher leaves for the Peace Corps in Ethiopia.

The night was really relaxed. I enjoyed cooking for everyone because I rarely have anyone to cook for but me. We talked about life now and future plans and memories from back at VT. All four of us have been in South Africa in the last year, so it was great to talk about each of our experiences. It was really good to see how God has been training all four of us in different ways since we left Blacksburg.

Steph, Katie & I wanted to pray over Sher before she leaves next week but she would not allow us to do so until we premitted her to pray over us in turn. That's just the kind of woman Sher is =)

I was so refreshed by the night. There are times I feel like Elijah that I want to complain about being "the only one left". That "no one understands what I'm going through." And just when I start to fall into those states, God reminds me of all those around me who are serving the Lord with passionate and pure hearts.

It is nights like these that remind me how important it is to have a consistent Sabbath and to leave margin in my life. It is only in these times that I allow space for God to change my perspective.

Honestly... I really do like Blogging

2009-09-23T04:12:00.004+02:00

I know you wouldn't believe it based on the extended time in between posts, but my excuse this time is guilt. I haven't made time to finish writing about Africa so I didn't want to write about other stuff until I finished. I have now given up on my idealism. I'll post Africa #3 as soon as I can.

The most important part of Africa that I didn't write about is...

I'M ENGAGED! Ok, so all of you who are reading this already know this. I just kept this off the blog for a while to make sure everybody knew.

This is a staged picture, but the emotion is still real; it was only a couple minutes after he proposed. (It was taken by this poor cleaning man whom I think we scared the heck out of.)

We are thrilled to be engaged, it still feel surreal some days. The two Tswana words I learned in the village we went to in South Africa were "mohonyana" and "makoti" those are the words for "bridegroom" and "bride," respectively. That's the closest they could teach us to fiance. I was also told that the $4 ring Greg bought me as a temporary engagement ring, must be worn on my right hand. The Tswana tradition moves the ring hand from the right ring finger to the left ring finger at the wedding.

I absolutely love the ring Greg designed & had made. It is a simple solitaire with a textured band. We got to go pick it up about 10 days after we got engaged. It fits beautifully.

We think we've set a date (barring any crazy circumstances) September 25, 2010. This date honestly came about based on Hokie football. Getting married in Blacksburg in the fall means we had to choose a weekend when there wasn't a game because otherwise there wouldn't be any hotel rooms and traffic would be impossible. 367 days =)

After all the planning and things to prepare for the trip to Africa, I thought that the load would lighten post-trip, but alas, I have an incredible ability to fill any vacuum of free time in my life. Still, it's good fun things. Fuse is relaunching with a big series on October 18th, so that will be a cool day. (Also indecently, the three year mark for Greg & I dating & the Newcomb's 1-year anniversary). And of course wedding planning is now officially in full swing.

Speaking of, I had really hoped wedding dress shopping would be more fun than it is. So many people told me "Oh! I bought the first wedding dress I tried on!" Alright... Saturday was dress shop #4 for me and after at least a dozen dresses at each store I have exactly 2 possible options. And neither of them made me really say "wow!" Aren't I supposed to feel something when I put my wedding dress on?

Anyway, it's not as much of a fun process as I had hoped. Probably a lot of the stress comes from I'm pretty sure I know what I want, I just can't find it. I want to design my own, but that's quite expensive and time consuming. Years ago my mother banned me from making my own dress. She is right about this mind you... too many dances in high school she was helping me hem the dress 10 minutes before my date was too arrive. So I guess I'll just keep hunting.

That's all the fun stuff for now. Sorry for the delay in posting, I'll try to be more consistent. More Africa and a new talk up soon!

Africa Segment #2

2009-08-05T21:53:00.007+02:00

Segment #2: Kimiad!

Kimiad itself is a phenomenal story of God’s provision & blessing. I cannot do the story justice, but I’ll suffice to say that the church was essentially given 120 acres of land 45 minutes south of Johannesburg (if you’re curious, google “Heidleberg, South Africa” and Kimiad is a few miles from there.) There was a former retreat center on the land that had fallen into disrepair, but in the last few years Eastside has worked to restore the buildings and grounds. They are still working on what God’s plan will be for the entirety of the land, but for now the restored retreat center will serve as a launching and training ground for volunteers during the 2010 World Cup. After the World Cup, they'r eho

So we arrived late Tuesday night but were warmly welcomed by the caretakers of Kimiad, Piet & Linda, and their daughter Sam. The most dramatic observation we all had upon arriving was that it is cold. Not like late evening September chill, but like a no-kidding, need-a-ski-jacket cold. It doesn’t matter that this country is named “South” and “Africa” both of which Americans associate with being sunny and hot, it is cold. But unfortunately, it’s not cold for long enough in the year to require all buildings to have heat and certainly none of the cinderblock cabins at Kimiad. Night #1: 3-4 blankets.

The following morning everyone came to breakfast in about 4 shirts, 2 pairs of pants, a ski hat and a scarf. Peit led us in studying the Word, then offered us breakfast as he told us the plan for the day. There is a building in the upper part of the grounds that is next on the list for restoration. A church in Virginia paid for drywall and contractors to turn the two large rooms into 14 small bedrooms. Our job was to work around the contractors to prepare the rest of the building. The girls were in charge of painting the roof and the external beams which had rusted over the years. Just before we arrived they had given the metal roof an acid bath, which allowed us to start right in.

When Peit told us our jobs, he said the girls would be painting and the guys would be inside demo-ing walls. I’ll be honest, I was kind of upset because why did the guys get the fun jobs breaking things? Then we saw the wall.

The guys worked in a cloud of dust chisseling at the cement for hours. The girls realized we were grateful to be able to work outside. Once the sun came up, the land heated up nicely and the roofwork was plesent to downright fun.

The second night we got a bit smarter and most of the girls filled up waterbottles with hot water to heat up the bottom of our beds. Night #2: 3-4 blankets, 1 hot water bottle.

The 2nd day was a continuation of the 1st days work, but that night added some complexity. The plan for our first work after Kimiad had been to go to the rural area of Marapane about 2 hours north of Pretoria. However, the day before we arrived in SA, the pastor we would be working with in Marapane called and told us he had spoken to the chief in the village who said their would be riots in the weekend and it would be unsafe for us to come. So as we worked, we started to pray like crazy that God would open the doors we needed to work where he wanted us.

Over the next couple days, God did open doors (really cool story I'll write about later), and we got connected to a young paster and his wife in a rural town called Mametlake. This word is in Tswana, a tribal language spoken in most of the region. I still cannot pronounce the third syllable of this town's name; it requires a significant ammount of spit in the back of your mouth. But you can Americanize it and make it sound something like "ma-ma-clark-ay"

The team worked at Kimiad through Saturday night... Then set off for our adventure in Mametlake early Sunday morning =)

Africa Segment #1

2009-07-31T08:56:00.005+02:00

Ok, so much for the constant Africa updates. I tried. Still, in my defense I have had little to no internet access and each day has been filled to about 93% capacity.

To attempt to put into one post the work we have been doing here would make a post too overwhelming to write or read, so I’ll post in a few different segments.

Segment #1:

The plane ride was basically uneventful, though I did almost no sleeping for the entirety of the 16 hours from Atlanta to Johannesburg.

This picture is the first view I had of African land. We crossed onto the continent over desert in Namibia just after the sun was rising. That was the moment I was glad to have a window seat.

I landed the night of Saturday the 18th and luckly Greg had no idea I was coming early. The pastor at Eastside Church, Riaan, lied exceptionally well and was able to get Greg to the airport without him suspecting. Standing in the airport we were discussing how comforting it is to know that our spiritual guide is an excellent liar.

Greg and I had three days together before the team arrived, which allowed for great reunion time for us before we began ministering to others. Greg took me around Pretoria, and I have gotten to put pictures to things he has described over the last 7 months. Sunday we went to church for the morning service, then in the afternoon my host family, the O’Briens, invited Greg and I to their house for a traditionally South African braai. This is essentially a bar-b-que but (no offence American loyalists) hot dogs and baked beans have nothing on South African braai food. I’m going to get a few recopies from Fransie (my host mom) before I leave, and hopefully I’ll be able to cook them back in the States.

After the braai, Greg and I went to a small nature right in the middle of the suburbs where we walked through and met some springbock, zebra, and got charged by an angry ostritch. It was quite a cliché African experience and I enjoyed every immensely.

Monday morning I went with Greg to work to help finalize some details for the team arriving, and then in the afternoon I got to go help Greg work with his boys soccer team at Sunnyside Primary School.

Tuesday we spent the day running errands and Tuesday evening the team landed just after 6:30pm South African time. We loaded up the cars, and drove the team 45 minutes south of Jo-burg to Kimiad, Eastside’s retreat center.
The following morning, work began.

Stay tuned for Segment #2 for details about Kimiad… =)

Sacrifice

2009-06-25T05:41:00.003+02:00

The older I get, the more I have come to value those who speak truth into my life. I also recognize that it is a rare quality to find, which makes it that much more valuable. Terri Dewey is one of those people who can always speak truth into my life. And she does not just speak truth, she speaks truth with grace and love that serves to soften and heal without diverting the truth itself.

I'm going to be very honest. For the last few days I have been angry at God for everything he has asked of Greg and I. That anger spilled over at Greg as I placed unreasonable demands on him, just to have an excuse to be angry with him. The root of the issue was my anger at God for where Greg and I are. We've battled years of depression together and in the last 24 months, we've lived in the same city for only 2 of them, and for 6 of them we haven't even been on the same continent. We have watched as time after time couples around us have started dating, gotten engaged, and gotten married. Why is it easy for them? We have worked hard to make people feel comfortable around us, even to the point of putting our relationship last. Have we been punished for desiring to serve others?

As I poured this out to Terri tonight, I told her that I recognize that I'm being selfish, and I need to learn to get over all of this. Most of the time I can get a hold of these battles, I can stop comparing us to others, and I can be pleased that we are honoring God through our relationship. There are just times when those get the best of me.

Once I had released this to me she pointed something out that I hadn't even considered:

Have you even grieved about this? I hear you say you're trying to get over this, but is that really offering it as a sacrifice to the Lord? It's ok to bring the desires of your heart to the Lord and pour them out before Him, and it's ok to be hurt when they are not fulfilled. It is when we chose to die to those desires that we are truly making a sacrifice to Him.

What great truth. I had stopped looking at this relationship, our struggles, and this year apart as a sacrifice, and started to see it as a punishment. I must choose to lay the desires of my heart on God's alter, even if I do it in a shower of tears. By definition, I cannot make a sacrifice to the Lord if I give him something from which I've already detached myself.

And if I don't give him this, what else in my life is truly a sacrifice? There is literally no where else that God has asked me to offer to him against the desires of my heart. The rest of my heart is filled and overflowing. My needs are more than met, I have a house, and food, and a car, and friends, and a great job, and a church in which to serve, and a wonderful family... the list could run for pages. With all God has given me, I should be so lucky that I could place even the smallest offering on His alter.

Lord, take our relationship. Help me die to these desires each day - that they might be a fragrant offering to you.

Talk #2

2009-06-25T05:27:00.004+02:00

I got to speak at Fuse for the 2nd time this past Sunday. It was exhilarating because so much of what I said was completely the Holy Spirit. Every time I practiced the talk I tripped up. There are a few transitions in the talk that I didn't get write until I said them on stage - that is only by the grace of God.

I still have much more to learn about teaching, and God is continuing to refine me. I don't like my tone of voice or inflection, and I say um to much, but that's part of the learning process. I just pray I have done nothing to butcher Biblical theology or historical timeline.

If you're interested... here goes talk #2 =)

Transformed Life

2009-06-07T06:00:00.002+02:00

Right now, our church is reading through the New Testament and God has really been speaking to me in a lot of cool ways. Reading through scripture at such a rapid pace has shown me themes that are not necessarily apparent when reading a chapter or two in isolation.

I am beginning to recognize that so many of Paul's instructions to the churches have to do with how to live transformed. I know that phrase has become a little "Christianese" because of Romans 12:1, but it is everywhere in his letters. I think we as the 21st century church look way too much like the world around us. So many times I give just a little more than my neighbors who aren't Christians, or I act just a little kinder to the outcast at the office, or I serve others just a little more than those who don't know Jesus.

What if I allowed God to radically transform my mind? What if I really lived as the scriptures said the original disciples did - fully sold out, fired up, and honoring nothing but the Gospel? How different would my life really look? Would I spend my money differently? Would I spend my time differently? Would I begin to see and love the people around me as God does?

Still, I know this is a difficult balance. Floating in a balloon 30 feet above the earth may get me noticed, but it doesn't necessarily help anyone join me in the basket. In the same way, I need to live transformed, but walking next to and involved in my neighbor's lives.

What if our whole church did this? Could one transformed life, lead to a totally transformed church, and then lead to a transformed city? God, could you do this here? God, would you start with me?

Fishing Nets

2009-05-18T05:07:00.004+02:00

My church is three weeks into a series called the New Testament Challenge. This series has two goals 1) that by the end of this 56 days I can spell testament right on the first try and 2) that our church would all read through the New Testament in 56 days.

It has already been an incredibly challenging and enlightening experience. It's been far to long since I've read straight through the gospels and this time God allowed me to see the greater themes Jesus preached about. So many of his teachings revolved around the dangers of pride and the value of humility. Dozens of times he tried to reach out for the intellectual classes (the Pharisees, Sadducees, etc.) but they refused to believe because of their pride. Recognition of Jesus would require them to relinquish their position of authority and most were too prideful to submit to that. Jesus didn't go to the fishermen because he wanted a band of hobo followers - he went to them because they were the only ones who showed true humility.

My friend Cora and I were sitting around talking about how much faith Peter, Andrew, James & John had when they left their nets and followed Jesus. Everything they knew they walked away from because they recognized the power and authority of Jesus. Then Cora said to me, "I wonder sometimes what my nets are? What are the nets I'm holding onto that Jesus is calling me out of?"

I thought that was a great question. We as Christians can run the whole spectrum from leaving all of our nets and running after Jesus to being like the Pharisees and rejecting the call of Christ because of our pride and unbelief. I'm sure at some point in my walk I've been at all stages along that spectrum, but I'm hoping today I'm at least reasonably close to the side with the fishermen. Still, I know I have many nets, for example my job, my comfortable house, my collection of college hoodies (ok... i doubt God really cares about my hoodies, but I'm quite attached to them and it would be difficult to part with them so please don't send me on What Not To Wear because I know they would take them) that if God called me away from them, how quickly would I really respond? The disciples didn't hesitate, would I have the same response?

Interesting things to ponder...

What are your nets?

Post-It Notes

2009-04-22T05:46:00.004+02:00

After the printing press, I consider the Post-It to be one of the greater inventions in the last millennia (by the way - it took me so many tries to spell that word, I gave up and looked it up on Wikipedia). Anyone who has been in my office knows there are post-it notes all over my desk, computer monitor, bulletin board, everywhere. They are my ever extending to-do list. My office mate thought they had quite over-run my monitor so he put up a post-it reminder to "Clean up post-its"... it remains on the monitor as I have not completed the task.

I have come to realize, however, that as good as to-do lists are (I would lose my mind and forget everything if I didn't write things down), Satan can really use them against me. It doesn't matter how late I crawl in bed at night, I will still have not completed all the tasks I think I should have. There will still be emails to write, bills to pay, dishes to clean, laundry to do, phone calls to make, etc. For a while this has been a burden on me, I have felt like I'm not being a good steward of my time or otherwise failing at my tasks. But I'm now recognizing that these are some of Satan's lies - "you're not good enough" "you still have things to do" "you are a failure of a leader".

So recently I have been working to accept the knowledge that I will always have a to-do list, but I must not not permit it to consume me. I am no longer allowing myself to send email, pay bills, check my bank account, or do anything related to work or ministry roles in my bedroom. This may seem a bit goofy, but it creates an important boundary. When I go upstairs at night, I am no longer allowed to work on things on my to-do list. I am only allowed to spend time with God, relax, read books for pleasure, and sleep. This makes my room a sanctuary and my quiet times have been infinitely more fruitful since I have instituted this policy.

I'm sure there are more of us task-oriented people out there... what do you do to prevent your to-do list from becoming a monster?

South Africa Support

2009-04-20T05:46:00.004+02:00

Hey my very small blog family =)

So I want to share with you the same offer I shared with much of my other church family. Please join with the amazing work God is doing in South Africa.

Dear Friends and Family,
Greetings! I hope life is treating you well. For those of you that may not know, I am now fully settled in Virginia Beach, working for the Navy and living in a house with three great women. I have also gotten involved with Coastal Community Church, a church that has committed to serving both inside and outside our local community.

We have a sister church in Pretoria, South Africa called Eastside Community Church that we have been partnering with for many years.
Eastside supports programs that work with the poor, teach and support kids, and build solid relationships among the local community. My boyfriend, Greg, left in January to serve for a year with Eastside as a soccer coach for inner-city kids.

This July, I have an opportunity to lead a team to Pretoria to help serve alongside Greg and the other members of Eastside. For two weeks, we’re going to get to build relationships with the inner-city kids of Sunnyside School through sports, tutoring, and arts programs. Eastside also owns 120 acres of land outside of Pretoria that they’re working to turn into an orphanage for adolescent boys. Some of our time in Pretoria will be working on restoring an old retreat center on that land to make it a suitable space for the boys. Two members of our team are also nurses and will work to provide free medical support and education for the local children.

Our team is really excited about going to serve, but all of us have been making sacrifices to be able to go. For some, this will be their first trip outside the country and there is a lot of fear involved; for others, these two weeks expend all their vacation time for a year and this certainly will not be a vacation.

I humbly come to you to ask if you would consider supporting our team. I have struggled with whether or not to send this letter, but I hope you will understand my heart in writing to you. We have a team with willing hearts and the time to go, but don’t have the finances to get there. Your support of our team makes you a part changing lives in Pretoria. The programs we are going to help with are giving kids safe places to grow up, a chance at a more stable future, and an open door for them to meet the incredible Savior I have come to know.

So first, I ask that you would pray for us. All the money in the world could not make our trip successful if God has not paved the way. Please pray for our team that we might be unified and have strength to serve the kids we will meet. Also, please pray for Eastside and the people they are reaching in Pretoria.

Lastly, I ask if you would consider supporting us financially. Believe me, I understand that we are in an economy that does not a lot of spare room in a budget, but even a small amount is another step towards getting our team to South Africa.

Thanks for always supporting me.
With much love and blessings,
-Annie

For more pictures or more information, you can follow Greg's blog and see some great pictures at http://kopanya.blogspot.com/

It's Nice to Be Known

2009-03-30T06:35:00.007+02:00

This weekend was incredibly refreshing. Recently I have tried to be consistent about having a Sabbath, but it even if I haven't had any major plans or obligations, I haven't felt refreshed and I couldn't figure out why. This weekend I discovered what I was missing: I got to have a Sabbath from being an adult.

Brittany, Stacy, and I grew up together at Asbury UMC and this weekend Stacy and I flew into Atlanta to visit Brittany. We did some goofy tourist things, but the most valuable time we spent was spent just laughing together. We each live very different lives, but I doubt we'll ever lose our connection to each other. The people that have seen you through 4th grade crushes, middle school acne years, high school relationships, and all the awkward things that comes with growing up are those who have the ability to keep you the most grounded.

Re-living the past is not always fun, nor is it necessary most of the time, but having people around me who understand my past can better ground me in the present, and help me dream of the future. Brittany and Stacy are two of those people for me. I'm now convinced everyone needs to have a weekend like this twice a year. To get with people who you haven't seen in a while and who have known and loved you for years.

My normal life as a pretend-adult is full of responsibilities and logistics and busyness; but this weekend released me from all that and allowed God to really refresh me.

Saturday night as Brittany, Stacy and I sat around talking about how much we all needed this weekend, Brittany described it best: "It's nice to be known"

Strange Blessings

2009-03-25T04:57:00.006+02:00

Sometimes God's strength comes in crazy places. I am leading our missions team to South Africa in July and I have been very stressed about it. Recently I have been worried that I did not bring this enough before the Lord in prayer and I have worried that this will never work.

But God completely recharged my heart today. First, I had my ipod on at work and was listening to the podcasts of nlcf's latest series on pursuing social justice around the world (they called it "Ripples"). The stories of what people have done and are doing began to open my heart again to God's desire for the Church to be the leaders in bringing justice to the broken places of the world.

There were two verses that stuck out to me...
Isaiah 1:17: "Learn to do right! Seek justice, encourage the oppressed.* Defend the cause of the fatherless, plead the case of the widow."

and Micah 6:8 "What does the Lord require of you? To do justly, love mercy, and walk humbly with your God."

Just those could have been enough to inspire me, but God also used something else very odd. Saying this requires the confession that I watch TLC. A guy at my office calls it "The Ladies Channel" because long ago they stopped putting informative programming on there... and most of it's just reality-type shows.

So anyway, there's a tv show about a family named the Duggers. They're the really famous family with 18 kids. They're a conservative Christian family, and though the channel doesn't focus on their faith - it is obvious in the decisions they make. And there are times I've seen this show and it makes me crazy (some of the theological stances aren't entirely accurate...) but today it was exactly what God needed to tell me.

The dad and about 12 of the kids went on a mission trip to El Salvador to bring Christmas presents and food to some very needy families. Watching their missions trip and seeing all those kids and families in need completely broke my heart. I realized that no matter what we do in South Africa - whether it's digging ditches or playing with kids or whatever - we are honoring God with our sacrifice by just not being afraid to go.

Bob Pierce was the founder of World Vision and Samaritan's Purse and he said a now-famous quote that I want to bring before the Lord,

"Let my heart be broken by the things that break the heart of God."

That's why we're going to South Africa. And God is already laying out our steps.

Clockwork

2009-03-17T05:19:00.004+02:00

When I read the old testament sometimes I think, "Really, were the Israelites just dense?" How many times did the prophets say the same things to them, and yet they continued to make the same mistakes.

But I do the same thing. I can look back at my life and see the same struggles, temptations, and immature attitudes repeating like clockwork. It doesn't matter how many well I think I've beaten something, it won't take long before it will creep back in.

In college I fought really hard to learn how to be graceful. It became a great desire of mine to pursue being a woman of grace and humility. I certainly wasn't perfect, but I made great strides. Two years later... here I am again. Yet again I am battling with a heart that knows neither how to be compassionate nor graceful. I stopped being vigilant and I lapsed back into my old habits.

I think ministries have this temptation as well. It's easy for ministries to get stale, clique-y, or misdirected if the leaders are not constantly analyzing the present state of the ministry and bringing it before God.

So my life and the ministries can be just like the Israelites; predictably and perpetually stuck in bad habits. Each day I have to decide if I'm going to continue to pursue away from the bad habits and into the good ones.

My First Talk!

2009-03-12T04:20:00.007+02:00

Wow... what a crazy week.

A while ago I posted about how God was teaching me about Hope and that I've been studying it. Well a rare opportunity came up that we had an open night in Fuse where we could choose our topic. James had a really hard message the week before so he asked me if I wanted to speak.

So for the last couple weeks I've been attempting to write a talk about Hope. It has been UNBELIEVABLY DIFFICULT. I have given talks before, but something about this was so difficult to get my hands around. How do I boil such a broad topic down into 20 minutes?

But Sunday night I did it. I always feel that giving a talk like that you never really know how well you did until later when you can listen to it. I was really nervous, almost threw up beforehand (though this is not tremendously uncommon for me when I get butterflies in my stomach), but I did it.

I haven't had the courage to listen to it, but tonight I finally did. Wow. God totally came through. I was listening to it and thinking "is that my voice saying that?" which is so awesome, because that means it was really God speaking through me.

These are only audio - but the only way I could figure out how to imbed them into a blog is to make a video, upload it to youtube, and post it here. So I don't think you can download it - just listen/watch.

I'm trying to get it posted to a podcast, but right now we are having trouble getting our Fuse talks on Itunes. So I'm working on it.

I'd love feedback if you care to give it, that way I'm better next time I do this =)

Anyway, this has been a really a great blessing =)

Month Recap!

2009-03-01T06:06:00.002+02:00

It's embarrassing that my posts have been almost a month apart, and it's not because there's not much to talk about; it's because there's too much to talk about and I run out of time to write it down. So here's the month recap:

Fuse: February was a month of challenges and growth. God has really stretched our leadership team creatively, emotionally, and spiritually. It certainly has not been easy, but lots of great changes are happening. Our Sunday night worship venue continues to grow in numbers which is making awesome and scary challenges. Our creative arts team has been trying new ideas to enhance worship with visual interest and sound characteristics.

However, the most exciting Fuse event of the month was the launch of a 2nd Homegroup & with it, Lifegroups. The worship venue is important and valuable, but there's nothing quite as important as community. To recognize that our homegroup community was so successful, that it got to multiply, is a great victory. Having two homegroups will allow many more people to get connected. Our lifegroups are also great because they connect people through intimate relationships and accountability - this is where real growth happens.

Youth Ministry: This month was our winter trip (my last post talked a little about it) where we took 36 middle schoolers and 23 high schoolers to camp for 4 days. I love those settings, because it gives the kids time to get beyond the tough outer shell and start opening up deeper parts of their hearts. Kids I've known for 6 or 8 months finally started to come forward with the stories of things in their past that have deeply wounded them.

One of the reasons so many kids were able to go to camp was because of 2 guys. Two weeks before camp, Dusty & James decided that they hated the idea that so many kids could not go to camp because they didn't have the money. So they set out on a quest to raise $3500 in 2 weeks to get the kids who couldn't afford it to camp. They played golf sunrise to sunset, road beach bikes in the snow for 36 miles, got shot with paintballs, and a dozen other rediclious stunts people paid them to do. Their victory was not only getting these kids to camp, but in demonstrating to them how valuable they are - some of those kids may never have known anyone sacrifice for them. It was so much more than money.

Camp is awesome!

Also exciting this February for the middle schoolers was moving our youth group "Nitelife" from Tuesdays to Wednesdays. On Tuesdays we were stuck upstairs in our classrooms while the high schoolers had the downstairs in the big open worship center. With the middle school averaging 35-40 kids those classrooms were just far to small. Moving to Wednesdays allows us to use the worship venue, opening up awesome room for growth. We hope to be averaging 60 by mid summer =)

As far as work, things are going well, I'm staying busy and learning a lot. My boss retired first of January so it's been a tough period of transition but we're making it. I feel really blessed to have this job, particularly in this economy so I'm trying to pull my weight and work hard.

Today officially marks 2 months that Greg has been in South Africa. Wow, hardly seems possible. It's been cool how God has really given each of us peace about our relationship. It's also been really exciting to see how God has been working through him to battle his depression and serve the kids of Pretoria. If you haven't been getting his updates, he's right now coaching mini-cricket to kindergarten-3rd graders, various soccer teams, and softball to girls age 10-13. This final coaching gig happens to bring out some of the more hilarious incidents. I had to explain to him that the reason the girls are so excited about joining the team and staying after for pitching practice might not have to do with their enthusiasm for the sport. I think they've all fallen for the new young American coach =) This provides great comedy because it makes Greg immensely uncomfortable.

So... That's probably all you possible wanted to read about my February.

Of random notes - I'm speaking for the first time at Fuse next week. I'm quite nervous so if you could be praying that'd be awesome.

Maybe I'll write sooner than a month from now... we'll see. =)

CABIN 4!

2009-02-24T06:41:00.003+02:00

You know, people at my office think I'm crazy when I tell them that my long weekends are spent chaperoning youth trips. Honestly though, I can't imagine a more rewarding weekend.

I have now spent more than a year getting to know most of these girls and it's incredible to watch them open up. People are often afraid of middle school because they can appear so ridiculous sometimes about the opposite sex and being so cruel to each other. But if you can work hard enough to get through that facade, they deal with a lot of really tough issues. Loneliness, broken homes, broken hearts, abusive fathers, anything and everything that adults deal with, but with potentially greater consequences.

Last weekend gave me an amazing opportunity to show these girls that they are loved. It is difficult for them to grasp God's love sometimes, but if they can see Him through me - that makes all the difference in the world.

I wouldn't do anything else with my long weekends =)

Long Over-due Post

2009-01-29T05:13:00.003+02:00

Tomorrow marks 1 month that Greg has been gone. It's been so cool to see how God was preparing the way for him to come to Pretoria. Almost as soon as he arrived he melded into the ministries and programs Eastside is involved with or is starting this year. He's coaching soccer, building relationships with the teens and kids he's working with, and coaching mini-cricket! It's cricket for kindergarden-3rd grade, something like tee-ball is in America. He's learning lots of cool South African phrases and eating lots of interesting new foods.

We email most every day and get to talk on Skype every few days so we've been really lucky. It's still not easy, but it's easier knowing that we're where God wants each of us.

Over the past month God has been teaching me the incredible value of waiting. Today's society has given waiting the stigma that something must be wrong or broken. Think dial-up internet vs. high-speed cable. I get so annoyed when a page doesn't immediately load. What do you mean YouTube won't load?? You mean I have to wait to watch the vintage 21 jesus videos!?! (which, by the way, are hilarious and well worth the wait) But you get the idea.

I am starting to appreciate that good things become better things when you have to wait for them. I was teaching in NexGen the other day about patience and one of my kids said, "Yea - I know what you mean. My dad told me he wouldn't buy me a nice guitar until I learned to play my junky guitar well. I had to work hard for it, but once I earned it, I appreciate it way more than my friend who got a nice guitar right away." Aren't my middle schooler's smart?

One of my favorite Biblical examples is Jacob who meets Rachel and immediately falls in love with her. However, her father requires Jacob to work for him 7 years before he will consent to his daughter's marriage.

"So Jacob served seven years to get Rachel, but they seemed like only a few days to him because of his love for her." Genesis 29:20

Jacob found a woman worth waiting for and wanted nothing less. If he had given up early, he would not have had the best.

So I am learning to wait patiently. Not only for Greg, but also for God's direction in my life. I know God has something big planned for me, but I must wait patiently for it to be revealed.

Waiting, however, does not mean I'm permitted to sit idly by. In the Bible, most of the time God did great things through people, it was only after a period of preparation and training.

God told Abram that he would bear a son but did not fulfill that promise for 25 years. God needed to prepare him to be not just Isaac's father, but the father of a great nation.

Therefore, I'm working this year to learn patience and humility and discipleship and scripture. God is doing incredible things with Fuse right now and if I am not careful, I could miss out on it.

So 1 month down, 11 months to go. I have a lot of learning yet to do. This journey should be fun =)

Life Successes!

2009-01-12T05:20:00.002+02:00

I have stolen this idea. Flat out stolen. Heather Zempel who writes the blog "Wineskins for Discipleship" suggested this (and I think she got it from somewhere else too... so I have no idea the origin).

I'm calling it "Life Successes." At the time of the year when we start thinking about goals, it's also important to reflect on what we've accomplished. My list is surely not filled with "curing cancer" or "brokering peace agreements" but it's still a great way to reflect on cool stuff that I've done in my life.

I'm still working on my goals for the year, I"ll get those out soon. I'm sure I've forgotten stuff, and these are listed in no particular order, just as I thought of stuff... but here you go - here's my life successes list:

Skiied Salt Lake City
Scuba dived a ship wreck off BVI
Helped rescue stranded dolphins
Preached the Gospel through a translator
Helped found a ministry
Marched in the Disney Parade
Did a snow angel on the 50 yard line of the Super Dome
Played soccer for my high school
Worked set crew for a musical
Ate lunch in the Seattle Space Needle
Learned to flat foot at a real Appalachian barn dance
Saw my brother marry the perfect girl
Graduated from college
Led 2 mission trips
Helped rebuild New Orleans
Dipped my feet in Lake Tahoe
Played in a band
Made a CD
Worked as a camp councilor
Ate Ben & Jerry’s at their Vermont factory
Saw a show on Broadway
Ate real Chicago deep dish
Rode the Alaskan rail line from Anchorage to Seward
Ate real Boston clam chowder
Performed in the stage band for a production of “Cabaret”
Played basketball for my high school
Seen Nexgen grow from an average of 5 kids to an average of 20.
Seen Fuse grow from a 6 person Bible study to averaging almost 50.

Kind of fun to look at! (Is it bad that a lot of these have to do with food?)

What's your list?

LIGHT!!!

2009-01-08T03:07:00.004+02:00

I'm just going to say I am EXTREMELY excited that I walked out of work today and IT WAS STILL LIGHT OUT! Now mind you, I left a bit earlier than I usually do, but still! I love winter, I really do. But I also love long days. Having the light outside gives me so much more energy to do everything whether it's inside or not.

Go earth go! Continue in your proper orbit around the sun to allow me to have more light!

That is all =)

Community Joy

2009-01-07T06:05:00.005+02:00

1 week ago Greg arrived in South Africa. He is enjoying it already and we can already see God providing in many ways.

One thing that has absolutely blown my mind is the way I have handled this. I know that sounds odd, but the peace that I have had has been incredible. It is certainly out of no strength of mine. The two days before he left were really hard, but since then I have been so confident in us that I think I've shed 5 tears max.

I've also gotten to experience something that had not only never happened to me, it had never occurred to me that it would. Over the past few years God has shown me places where my obedience to Him has brought joy and blessing into my life. This week I experienced great joy over Greg's obedience. I had never known that would be possible. I think that this inter-connection would be what God would want among all His communities of followers, but the nature of our society makes this extremely rare. I want to work be so supportive and encouraging of those around me that their obedience and joy become mine, and mine theirs.

Hope of Tomorrow

2008-12-29T07:41:00.002+02:00

I'm writing this more as an encouragement to myself than anything else. Tomorrow is Greg's big day. He's going to board a plane for a year-long adventure serving God in South Africa. My emotions are making me a bit crazy right now, but I'm fighting to tell myself the things I know to be truth.

In the last week or so, God has begun to show me a little more about the concept of "Hope." Mark Batterson called it "the belief that tomorrow will be better than today." There are literally hundreds of places in scripture where hope is discussed and I have started slowly to look through them. In Job 13:15, he says, "though he slay me, yet I will hope in him." Unfortunately (well... ultimately it's fortunate, but sucks now...) hope in this situation is referred to from the depths of despair. Hope is the one thing to hold onto when everything else seems to fall away.

Tonight I have hope. I know God is leading us. I know He is working for the good of those who love him. I know He is before all things. I know in Him all things hold together. I know that Greg is a Godly, obedient, servant-hearted man. I know that he loves me. I know that I love him. Tomorrow may be a new, challenging step, but I believe tomorrow will be better than today. And so tonight, I have hope.

God's Promises

2008-12-11T06:26:00.005+02:00

For the past few months I've been doing the Beth Moore study "Believing God." (I know, it's only supposed to take weeks, but I'm A.D.D. with Bible study and have to constantly rotate what I'm studying so it's taken me longer.) This week we're talking about "Believing I can do all things through Christ" and today she emphasized the promises God gave to Joseph. Many of the promises were fulfilled in his lifetime, but others, like the deliverance of the Israelites into the promised land, were not fulfilled until hundreds of years after his death.

Many times I want to put timelines on God's blessings, and if I don't feel like I see results, I stop believing God will come through. Joseph is an example of a man who believed God's promises without extra stipulations.

I think God is trying to draw my attention to something because of a conversation I had a few days ago. Donna Brooks has been mentoring me, and Monday she asked me a pointed question about Greg leaving. "What promises have God reviled to you through scripture about this?"

In preparing for Greg to leave, I believe God has given me two promises to hold onto:

"He is before all things, and in Him all things hold together."
Colossians 1:17

and

"We know that in all things God works for the good of those who love Him; who have been called according to his purposes."
Romans 8:28

I have already begun a constant inner dialogue of these promises.

When my sister-in-the-family, Leah, got married last January, she and her husband wrote their own vows. One thing Brad said stuck with me, "Every minute waiting for you has been worth it, all 15 million of them!"

I probably don't have the exact wording, but the idea is there. They got to see God fulfill promises that they had each believed long before. And though the waiting was almost unbearable sometimes, in the end it was worth it!

I have to believe God has something great for Greg and I. He is walking before us and will hold us together... even a continent apart.

Family

2008-12-02T06:47:00.003+02:00

So, being that this week was Thanksgiving, I've done some thinking about families. I went with Greg to Roanoke for Thanksgiving. On Thursday we ate at his stepmom's sister's house with all of his step-aunts, step-uncles, step-cousins and step-grandmother. I felt a bit like I was playing the Six-Degrees of Kevin Bacon game because to one of the kids there I was his aunt's-second-husband's-son's-girlfriend... a very close relationship.

But honestly, it never really felt weird. They were very welcoming and friendly. After the initial introductions, no one cared how I got there or how distantly I was associated, I was part of the family.

This is also my first Thanksgiving or Christmas away from my immediate family. I've struggled for the last few years about how much holidays are changing because I love tradtion. Growing up there was a system of who we visited at each holiday and what we ate and what we did; it was rhythmic and comfortable. But things have gotten harder in the last few years and many of these traditions have fallen away. All the cousins graduated from college, Nate got married, we all moved to different cities... etc. Am I losing my family?

No, I'm not. I realized the other day that my family is not my family because they know what we're supposed to eat at Thanksgiving, they're my family because they love me. If we go on that same definition, I have a wonderful family here in Virginia Beach too. I have 3 great roommates and a whole group of friends who love me. It may be a bit quirky of a family - but it's still a family.

It's a reminder to me about the importance of community; many people don't have families or groups of great friends to turn to. That teaches me two things:

1. I can never take my family (biologically or otherwise) for granted
2. I need to be constantly welcoming others into this crazy quirky family; it may very well be life changing.

So hug your friends and quirky family... and HAPPY LATE THANKSGIVING!!

COLLEGE BASKETBALL!

2008-11-19T06:22:00.005+02:00

Everyone sing with me now:

It's the most wonderful time... of the year

It's the hap-happiest season of all...

That's right, in case you are unaware: College basketball season has arrived.

I love college basketball. Don't get me wrong, I love college football too. But I grew up in North Carolina where EVERYONE has a college loyalty. I can remember growing up watching the ACC tournament in school almost every year. Tests were postponed if they came on the day after the Duke/Carolina game. Have I mentioned I love college basketball?

So in honor of ESPN's 24 straight hours of basketball games, here is my list of 24 reasons why I love college basketball...

1. March Madness. I know it's early to be talking about it, but really, it's never too early to talk about it, because it's the best month of the year.

2. The teamwork. This sounds cheezy, but college basketball teams are only successful if they learn how to work together. When 5 guys get out there and know each other really well, it's incredibly fun to watch.

3. Cheering for random teams. Almost any night of the week, you can flip on ESPN and watch a game between two obscure teams of universities sometimes no bigger than my high school. You choose a side, cheer for about 2 hours, and yet rarely have emotional withdrawal if they lose.

4. Upsets. College football has gotten better about this in the last few years, but basketball is still king. It's so great to watch a no name team beat highly ranked teams like UCLA, or Kentucky, or UNC, or UConn (I exclude Duke from this list because I love Duke... and it's never fun when they're ranked high and lose... or lose when they're not ranked high...)

5. The last :60 of a game. A game can swing 15 points in sixty seconds. I love the drama.

6. The squeak of the tennis shoes on the court

7. The players. It's really cool to watch as the players grow over 4 years. The skinny freshmen put on muscle, the butterfinger point guards learn to protect the ball, the centers and forwards learn to protect the lane and pull down rebounds, it's great.

8. The up-close emotion. Basketball is more fun than football because you can see the players' faces. The excitement, the anger, the anxiety right before a big free throw, they're all awesome.

9. Dicky V.

10. Short games. The games are shorter and don't require a whole evening's commitment to watch. A couple hours and you're back to what you were doing.

11. Lots of games. One loss of your favorite team will not put you in a week-long bad mood. One loss in college football and there goes your National Title hopes.

12. The swish.

13. The pre-free-throw rituals. Each player has them, and they are like a well rehearsed dance. Adjust headband, dribble 6 times, hold ball, look up, look down, bend knees twice, dribble twice, look up, shoot. Cringe as you airball.

14. The excessively dramatic refs. College football has them too, but they're just easier to see in basketball.

15. The rivalries.

16. The bench-arm-link. Watch the bench at the end of a particularly intense game. A player will get fouled, and has a chance to tie the game. All these tough 6' 10" guys are linking arms and rocking awkwardly on their knees as they watch they're teammate's pre-free-throw rituals. Usually the camera guy will notice and pan over to it, the bench guys do it every time.

17. The goofy big guy. Most teams have one and they fall in two categories. 1) The awkward lanky white guy who doesn't seem able to control his extra long arms and legs: this means he trips over himself and gets the ball stolen all the time. 2) The 275 pound football player who made the team; who plays basketball like Shaq, bowls people over, and fouls out in 4 minutes. Both are equally entertaining to watch.

18. Angry coaches. Check out this coach's solution to prevent himself from getting technicals

19. Interesting offenses and defenses. Each year coaches come up with cool new ways to take advantage of the strengths of their players.

20. The coaching battle. Along with those interesting types of offenses and defenses, it's great to watch how the opposing coach counters each style of play. It's like a great chess match.

21. Breakaways. They either result in great dunks, really athletic defensive plays, or attempted dunks that brick off the front of the rim and allow you to laugh at that player the rest of the game.

22. The Student sections. Admittedly, they often lack class, but quite often the student sections can change the entire momentum of the game.

23. The Cinderella teams. Those random teams (George Mason, Davidson, etc.) who surprise everyone (usually even themselves) and do really well. It's almost always a mark of great teamwork where a group of guys who have played together for 3 or 4 years have learned how to hide their weaknesses and exploit their strengths.

24. Because it's basketball.

Whew... that was fun. So what am I missing?

Simplify

2008-11-10T05:50:00.004+02:00

I know it's been far too long since I've written, sometimes I just run out of valuable things to say. Still, that's not always bad. More words are not always better. I was reminded of this fact this morning.

I was teaching NexGen (our middle school Sunday school/church) and we were talking about "How good is good enough?" I started to explain the concept using scales where we "weighed" items representing good things or bad things we could do in our lives. There was significant debate about whether it was worse to "hit your little brother" or "steal a cookie from the lunch room."

Then once the "good" and "bad" things were ordered by how bad they really were, I asked them how do you balance the bad things and the good things. One kid suggested you should do the bad things first, then the good things, so the bad things will be forgotten along the way. Seems rational right?

Then I picked up the object that represented the stolen cookie in the lunch room, and I walked over to our things representing our good deeds. I told them that even if they did all of these good things (telling the truth, working at a homeless shelter, etc.) 7 times over, it would not make up for the stolen cookie. No amount of good deeds could tip the scales away from what we've done wrong.

And that's how I explained sin. They seemed to get it.

But then I tried to explain salvation. I talked about passover and blood sacrifice and God's perfect righteousness. Their eyes started to glaze. I had overcomplicated things.

Tonight at Fuse, James mentioned one verse.

If you confess with your mouth Jesus as Lord, and believe in your heart that God raised Jesus from the dead, you will be saved
~Romans 10:9

I was so mad at myself! It's so simple. I tried to use this complicated logic about salvation, when one verse explains it. This is the nature of salvation. It's so simple and I made it complicated.

More words are not always better, sometimes it's best to simplify.

The Great Adventure...

2008-10-08T05:02:00.007+02:00

The Facts:

Yesterday Greg received news that he was accepted into a service/missionary intern program based in Pretoria, South Africa.

The intern program is being founded by Eastside Community Church; a church based in the outskirts of Pretoria. Eastside was founded as a mission-based church and recently they have received some significant donations of property. Greg and the other interns will get to be the hands and feet of the new ministries.

Greg's main area will be in establishing soccer programs in the poor areas of Pretoria. Many parents have to work 2 or 3 jobs to pay the bills, leaving kids with no supervision after school. Many fall into drugs, gangs, early pregnancy, and even fall victim to kidnapping and rape. Establishing community centers and soccer programs will get these kids off the streets and into safe areas where they can still be kids.

The church is also planning major outreach events during the Confederation Cup in June 09. All the ministries established in '09 will be expanded in 2010 when South Africa becomes the first African nation to host the World Cup. Greg and the team will get to lay the foundation for some amazing ministries.

The Emotion:

I am unbelievably proud of this incredible step he's taking. It's so easy to look at the world and think, "God, why is it so broken?" Greg is allowing that conviction to ignite him to follow the Holy Spirit half-way around the world.

It's interesting, because when we heard about this program I remember thinking, "This is so perfect for Greg... crap." I think I knew right away that he would be leaving. Now, it's nice because God has given me a great peace that Greg is following His path, but that doesn't take all of the sting away. It still means we will be apart for a year.

There are easy days and hard ones. Sometimes I'm so excited to think about the lives that will change in Pretoria. What if one of these programs raises up the next Nelson Mandela who will lead South Africa a few decades from now? I am thrilled by the knowledge that God honors obedience by blessing us, and using us to bless others. Greg and the other interns will get to be used by God to do His work - it's quite an honor.

Most of the time, the knowledge of how much of a blessing this will be can override my selfish heart. But nights like last night creep up every once in a while. I was furious with God because I feel like we have worked so hard to honor God with our relationship. We've fought depression, lived apart for 15 months, and always put others before ourselves. But God is asking for something bigger. It doesn't seem fair. I don't understand couples that get to meet, date, and get married. Why does God make it easy for them? We've never had anything simple in our relationship, and sometimes it brings out jealousy in me.

I know that when Greg leaves in January things will be hard. Going to every wedding next summer without a date. Not getting to say goodnight (at least for the last year we've gotten to say it over the phone). No hugs. A thousand other things...

Very often people look at me as the strong one. If I exude any emotion people frequently think that I'm a dangerous form of time bomb. So I've tried to be strong around most people. But last night things hit pretty hard and this is what I wrote...

It happens in the stillness
With the rhythm of the crickets
The tears come

It happens in the car
with the words of an old song
The tears come

It happens when my heart
Stops listening to my head
The tears come

I know the truth
I know the beauty this will bring
I know the hearts that will open
I know the lives that will transform
But how can my knowledge
Override the tears of my heart?

Knowledge is not a barrier
It provides no protection
Words convince others,
But build no fortress for me
The truth strikes my heart full force.

And with that truth,
The tears come.

Now, I'm feeling better today. And I know God is working in this. It's going to be a challenge, but with every challenge comes growth and blessing. Besides, Jesus never promised that our walk would be simple, in fact most of the time He said it would be difficult. But it's worth it right? In the end, this is what life should be about - pursuing big dreams and serving God. It's all a part of the Great Adventure...

God Ordained Passions

2008-10-01T04:21:00.005+02:00

It's out there. I just know it.

You ever get the feeling that something big is coming? I feel like God wants to do something huge in my life but won't tell me what it is yet. Sometimes I get so excited about it, it feels like my heart whats to jump out of my chest. How can I get this excited about something when I don't know that something is?

Mark Batterson said in a sermon a few weeks ago, "Your greatest responsibility is pursuing God-ordained passions." This isn't about our own joy and fulfillment. It is true that in finding our God-ordained passions those two will likely come with them, but that's not the point. This is bigger than you and me. This isn't just a good idea, this is a responsibility. I owe it to God (and should I be bold enough to say I owe it to the world as well??) to pursue whatever it is God has laid as a passion in my heart.

I'm trying to be patient. Sometimes I think I'll have my head wrapped around what God is sending me towards, and other days I have no idea. Am I supposted to go to seminary or will these passions evolve out of my current job? Will I be teaching or writing or speaking? Or is there something else entirely?

I guess for now I have decided that in order to continue on this path of "great responsibility," I'm not supposed to make any big moves just now. I think God is still trying to teach me before I'm sent out to do whatever this big thing is. I feel sometimes like the little kid who wants so desprately to play in the 3 feet of fresh snow that just fell. However, every time the kid bolts for the door, his mother keeps pulling him back to add one more layer of winter clothing - first jacket, then boots, then gloves, then hat. I have to remember that as hard as being patient is, ultimately if I don't let God prepare me this big something may never happen at all.

So I will leave you with three things....

1) A scene from West Side Story between Riff & Tony. Riff can't understand why Tony doesn't want to hang with the gang anymore, but Tony feels dumb trying to explain it...

Tony: You won't dig it, Riff.       
Riff: Come on, Tony. Try me.
Tony: Okay.
Every single night for the last month...
I wake up, and I'm reachin' out.             
Riff: Well, for what?           
Tony: I don't know.
It's right outside the door,
just around the corner...         
but it's comin'.             
Riff: What is?
Tony: I don't know.


2) I can't talk about that scene and not give the song to follow it =)


Something's Coming from West Side Story

Important Note: Richard played Tony in his high school production of West Side Story
and has yet to produce the video of said production.
                       We must find this tape.


3) I actually think this is one of the worst songs in the play.  Here's a couple of my favorites =)

America
Maria
Mambo
And, for those of you who enjoy Aquafina commercials... 
I Feel Pretty

Post for Leah =) (and everyone else too)

2008-09-26T01:48:00.008+02:00

This post is for my sister-in-the-family (my sister-in-law's sister) who wanted me to explain the game Body Body a little more detailed.

First, take a deck of cards and pull out two kings. Then add enough cards (numbers 2-9) to the two kings so everyone in the group can get one. (example - for 12 people playing, use 2 kings and 10 non-face cards.)

Mix up the stack and pass out the cards secretly to everyone. Everyone looks at their card, and the people who got the kings become the mafia - everyone else are townspeople.

For the mafia to find each other, everyone closes their eyes. Then someone announces, "mafia look up and find each other." The two mafia members open their eyes and look around until they find each other. The announcer says, "Mafia go back to sleep" (mafia close their eyes) "Ok, everyone wake up"

Now all 12 people leave the lit room and go into the dark rest of the house. The first job of the townspeople is to stay alive. They move around the house and try to pay attention to who seems to be sneaky and alone in rooms (clues to who might be the members of the mafia).

Meanwhile, the mafia is trying to kill everyone off. They kill people by sneaking up behind them and pinching their shoulder. If you get pinched you have to collapse right where you are. However, the mafia has the option to pinch your shoulder and hold on to you to move you to where they want to dump your body (a bath tub or couch are discrete places to hide a body in the dark).

As soon as someone finds a body they scream "BODY BODY" and everyone flips the lights on.
All the people who are alive gather to debate who the killer is. This is where the mafia must become good liars. "It wasn't me! I was with Jane in the kitchen!" "No! I saw you running down the hall away from this body!" etc.

The killer is voted on, and the person with the most votes is sent away (back to the only lit room in the house). Along with the accused, the dead bodies can go with them to the lit room. However, only those dead bodies that have been found can go, hidden ones have to stay hidden.

Once they have left, play continues.

The mafia wins if they kill off all of the townspeople. The townspeople win if they are able to catch the mafia before they kill everyone.

A couple random rules
1) People can't hide by lying down (or they will be assumed to be dead and it screws up the game)
2) The mafia can kill as many people at a time as they want. If 6 people are standing in a row, they can run by and pinch everyone before anyone can yell Body Body (this is why townspeople need to separate and keep moving).
3) Someone has to touch a body before they can yell "Body Body." Even if they see a murder they have to reach the body in order to call "Body Body," which means they may have to run to avoid getting killed by the mafia first.

This game can be varied with more or less mafia depending on how many people are playing.

I hope this explains it well enough Leah!

Happy mafia playing!

Mm.... Syrup....

2008-09-24T03:35:00.004+02:00

Tonight, this bottle is not my friend. It was one of the dumbest things I've ever done.

If you've never worked with middle schoolers, you may not realize what earns their respect. Being smart or a good speaker doesn't do it. You have to make a fool of yourself. You have to swallow your pride, stop acting like an adult, and prove you're willing to do any of the ridiculous, stupid, absurd things they want to do.

So tonight, after months of making up stupid gross games for our middle schoolers to play - they made up one for us.

I chugged a bottle of maple syrup.

Ok, I only got in about 2/3rds of a bottle before Billy (one of the other leaders) finished his.
But that means in less than a minute I drank 8 servings of syurp - nearly 2000 calories.

And after taking cheers from the crowd of middle schoolers and earning their respect... I proceeded to throw up 4 times in the next 2 hours.

I love Jesus, and I love middle schoolers =)

My Pride is a Weed.

2008-09-17T05:15:00.004+02:00

Our house has a small bed of flowers that our landlord planted earlier this year, and it is our job to do the basic maintenance. I am not a gardener. I do not, nor will I probably ever profess to be a gardener. In fact, growing up it was the chore I hated the most. I do not have the patience to nurture plant life; the end result of yard work is never satisfactory enough to warrant the initial effort.

But having said all that, this small garden combined with my limited childhood experience makes me understand why gardeners hate weeds.

Weed
–noun

1.	a valueless plant growing wild, esp. one that grows on cultivated ground to the exclusion or injury of the desired crop.

2.	any undesirable or troublesome plant, esp. one that grows profusely where it is not wanted

Within a couple weeks, these plants can choke out and completely overpower the non-weeds in the garden. Even in places where good plants won't grow, weeds never seem to care. They grow in cracks of sidewalks, up around rocks, in the middle of other plants - just about anywhere. Give them an inch of soil and they'll go to town.

So as I was pulling our flowerbed full of weeds, I thought how much weeds are like those nagging sins in our lives. Everyone has them. Those certain things that no matter how many times you think you've beaten it; they manage to creep back into your life.

Mine is pride. If everyday I do not decide to humble myself before the Lord, I have offered an inch of soil for my pride. If I'm not careful, in a matter of weeks the cracks in my life can be overflowing with the dangerous fruit of pride. One of the best ways I can avoid that is by knowing where are my life's sidewalk cracks. If I am aware of my weak places, I can be more aware of my pride weed growing.

Also, weeds are stubborn. They work REALLY hard to stay put.
1) Sometimes they're prickly - who wants to try and pull a weed that's going to hurt? I mean, how much harm is it really doing there in that small corner of my garden? Maybe the prickly one can stay.
2) Sometimes their roots go deep. It's easy to pull off the green shoots, but without getting to the depth of the problem the weed will keep coming back. Getting the root usually takes longer, but being patient enough to get the root will save time and effort in the long run.

But even if they're stubborn and prickly and 4 inches in the ground; it's very important to seek out and get rid of the weeds. Even a few weeds of sin can do real damage the garden. Also, as difficult as it can be to constantly try and beat those nagging sins, the end result is incredibly gratifying to look back and see the full beauty of the garden.

Why I am all wound up.

2008-09-16T05:34:00.008+02:00

Ok. So I can't sleep. I am completely wound up at 11:35pm on a Monday night when I should have long since been sleeping. A bunch of people came over to our house tonight and Paul taught us a new game.

It is called Body Body.

If you've ever played the card game Mafia, it's like that, only about 50 times more hilariously scary. You draw cards to see who are the killers (we played 2 killers for 11 people); then the killers find out who each other are; and then commence wandering through the house killing people. You kill someone by pinching them on the top of the shoulder. You can whisper for them to follow you and then dump the body strategically in the house, but you obviously don't want anyone to see you do it. Then if someone trips over a body they scream "BODY BODY" and someone flips the lights on. The whole group gets to deliberate who the killer is - then kills that person off. The dead body and the convicted leave the playing area. Play continues. The goal is for the killer(s) to be the last ones alive.

This game is totally hilarious and sends your adrenaline through the roof. There's nothing quite like passing someone who is hiding in a dark corner. It is also a great way to try and analyze your friends. "She came running down the stairs after the body was found!" "No! I was with him! I couldn't have done it!"

So now I must try to clam down - maybe I'll read some more of my book. But next time you want a good night of bonding with your friends - try just killing them off =)

God's Domain

2008-09-08T04:22:00.004+02:00

I'm reading a great book right now (ok, that indicates I'm only reading one - let's be serious - I'm always reading way too many books at once - I think I have 4 or 5 going right now). But this specific book I'm going to talk about is by Mark Batterson, pastor of National Community Church in Washington, DC. The book is called Wild Goose Chase and it is about passionately pursuing the life God has for us by listening the to promptings of the Holy Spirit.

One of the first concepts he talks about is the concept of being "responsibly irresponsible." This means trusting God enough that when He calls us by his Spirit, we don't fear the worldly implications because we know we are on a heavenly pursuit. Recently I have been battling this exact idea. Where is God providing human wisdom as his provision, and where is God asking me to discount worldly wisdom and trust He has a different plan?

The chapter I am reading right now is called "Eight-Foot Ceilings" about the idea that we has humans tend to view God from our comfortable box. Mark uses the example of the interaction between Abraham and God in Genesis 15:5

He took him outside and said, “Look up at the heavens and count the stars—if indeed you can count them.” Then he said to him, “So shall your offspring be.”

Read the first part of that verse again. God "took him outside" before he spoke to Abraham. Before God could reveal his powerful message to Abraham, He pulled him from his comfortable tent. Inside the tent, Abraham was in control, it was his domain. Outside the tent, all the area that stretches between the soil and the stars, is God's domain. When God got Abraham outside, He reveled the great blessings He had in store for Abraham, if only Abraham would follow with obedience.

Maybe one of the keys to not becoming the dreaded "suburbia Christian" is to get out of suburbia. If I am comfortable where I am, I am living on my strength and not on God's. When I am living in God's domain, my very existence depends on His blessing and provision. Why don't I go out into God's domain more often? Don't I want to be as Abraham was and have God rain down his blessings on my life? Perhaps I am fearful of knowing how big my life could really be.

"Bring the whole tithe into the storehouse, that there may be food in my house. Test me in this," says the Lord Almighty, "and see if I will not throw open the floodgates of heaven and pour out so much blessing that you will not have enough for it." ~Micah 3:10

Holy cow. Read it again. What if that really did happen? God is almost challenging us to test his heart of giving. The original Hebrew word for "pour out" is ruwq: to make empty; be emptied out

Seriously? Does God really want to empty the blessings of Heaven on my life? The thought is exhilerating and terrifying. When I ask God to open the floodgates of his blessing - am I really prepared for Him to do so?

Maybe chasing the Holy Spirit isn't so much about running in some innane direction. Maybe my first step is simply to allow God to take me out into His domain and start seeing through His eyes. Then I better be ready - because God may just open some floodgates.

The things I do for Jesus...

2008-08-28T01:52:00.007+02:00

This is what I do for Jesus. I tease my hair and act like a mad scientist.

Two weeks ago I went to Camp Watermarks with 68 middle and high schoolers from Coastal Community Church. It was such an honor to get to lead these kids as God molded and shaped and reached them - sometimes for the first time.

We really did have a good time. We had a zip line and a ropes course, I went skeet shooting and paint balling (let me just say... nothing is quite like pelting middle schoolers with paintballs to relieve stress - it was glorious). We also did this crazy thing called a blob where you jump off a 15 foot tower into an airbag and then crawl to the end of the air bag. Someone else jumps off the tower and throws you into the air to land in the lake. It's good old fashioned camp fun.

I guess I still haven't explained the mad scientist thing. Our theme for the week was "Lost" like the tv show, so before each night session of games, worship, and teaching, the leaders did a skit. To be honest, it had almost no point. It was an excuse to let the kids laugh at us. This was actually good for me because I tend to feel uncomfortable in silly acting situations, but I really enjoyed it. Now, my performances were certainly not Oscar worthy (my accent ranged from something like German to something like English to the Lucky Charms leprechaun), but it was a good experience in stretching for the Lord.

Seriously though - it was a great honor to be involved in these kid's lives. I look at this picture and dream big dreams for these kids. Can you imagine what God will do with these kids some day? My legacy in Christ is found in these kids. Their growth is my offering to the Lord.

Lord - I pray I have served your children well. May their lives be my fragrant offering to You.

More Quick Olympic thoughts...

2008-08-17T03:23:00.002+02:00

First, Michael Phelps is insane. His body is superhuman.

Second, I had a Wendy Chinn moment watching the Olympics the other day. She always cries when they show human interest sports stories. I laugh at her for this. But... I have to eat my words. I watched a story about Kirsty Coventry who was the first Gold Medalist from Zimbabwe. I might have shed a tear or two.

Finally, on a more solemn note, the controversy over the Chinese gymnasts breaks my heart. If you haven't heard, there's been a significant amount of evidence to say that these girls are much younger than the required competition age of 16. However, as of now the IOC has said they will accept the girl's Chinese passports that show them all to be 16. There is no good outcome to this situation. If these girls are 16, they are underdeveloped and tiny with too much pressure from other people for perfection. If they are not 16, I don't believe it was their choice to lie. If illegal passports were made this is clearly a conspiriacy that goes VERY high into the government. That would go completely against the spirit of the Olympics. And what happens if proof comes out 5 years from now and these girls are stripped of their medals, how heartbreaking will it be for them! And for a cheating that wasn't their choice! And think about our American girls, their golden moment will have been stolen by cheating. Being a given a gold later would not make up for that.

Just some thoughts....

Now go cheer for Phelps!!

Bad Dinner Conversation!

2008-08-17T02:37:00.002+02:00

Turn on the TV!

The topics you're not supposed to talk about at a dinner party: politics and religion. That's exactly what's going on at CNN or MSNBC right now. Everyone should flip on the tv and watch Pastor Rick Warren interview Senator Obama and Senator McCain. This is awesome.

More thoughts to come later.

Badminton!

2008-08-13T15:48:00.003+02:00

One quick update!

Ok, so since the Olympics began a few of us had been joking on badminton (see previous post and the Vitamin water commercial). We laughed at how it was this game we played when we were in elementary school gym class is a very competitive olympic sport. Who plays this sport besides 4th graders and senior citizens?

I HAVE THE ANSWER!!

My friend Amanda spent three years teaching school in Indonesia. As we were watching the Olympic coverage last night (which by the way - my heart broke for the Chinese gymnasts and the American girls who lost to them... but I'll post about that later) she was looking on the nbc website and said, "Hey, badminton is on! Indonesians are crazy about their badminton - I would never play with them!"

What!?!? I laughed out loud. I now have my answer:

People who play badminton:
1) American 4th graders
2) American Senior citizens
3) Indonesians (who are apprently quite good at it too)

So... life lesson: if you want to play badminton competitively, move to Indonesia. =)

Olympics!

2008-08-10T05:40:00.005+02:00

So... already hooked on the Olympics. Three days ago I laughed at everyone who was so excited about them, but I now remember why the Olympics are awesome.

First, you get to watch absurd sports like team handball and women's weightlifiting. (106lb girl lifted 258 pounds over her head! How is that humanly possible??) And how cool is it that a woman from Belarus played a woman from Singapore in badminton? (I should have taken elementary school PE more seriously - I didn't know I could win a gold medal!) Where else would this match occur? And who knew American women could fence?

On Sunday I talked with NexGen (our middle school Bible study) about how being a disciple of Christ is like competing in the Olympics. Paul refers to the idea of "running a race" a lot in the new testament and I like the symbolism. These are all basic concepts but never bad to think over from time to time:

1) If we are going to a disciple we have to train hard.
1 Cor 9:24-27

I can't imagine that Michael Phelps or Shawn Johnson loved every minute of their training. I'm sure there were days when Michael didn't want to get out of bed to swim for the 10th time that week, or Shawn didn't want to get back up on the balance beam after missing an element 5 times in a row, but they persevered.

And think about a time you had to train for a sport. You know how hard that first mile was? But after a few weeks of training, you ran that mile again and man - it wasn't so hard! It's really cool to see that kind of progress.

Being a disciple is not going to be a joyous experience all the time, in fact - it's a lot of work. But the two things that make it worth it are 1) those times when you look back and realize how much you've grown and 2) those times that God really works through you to affect someone else. What incredible experiences to represent God.

2) We have to run our race and no one else's. (1 Cor 12:12-16)

Picture Kobe Bryant doing Equestrian or LeBron James playing badminton - it cracks me up. Vitamin water did a commercial a while back about this and, though hilarious, is unrealistic. Both those guys would get absolutely whipped if they played any other sport but basketball. Why? Because basketball is what they trained for. Imagine a cyclist coming into the Olympics and then trying to compete as a swimmer. They might do alright because they're in such peak physical shape, but if they are a naturally good cyclist and have trained for years in that sport, it would be a waste of their talent to do anything else.

God desires for us to run our race. All too often I look at the worship leaders and think, "man! why didn't God give me a voice?! I want to do that!" But that's not the gifts God gave me, and do anything other than His path is not living up to the purpose He made me to do. Now, if I chose another path, it doesn't mean that I wouldn't be somewhat successful. Potentially I could dedicate all of my time and money for lessons in guitar and voice and do alright, but I will have missed the other places God really wanted me to be that would have been a much better fit.

3) All the sports receive the same medals. (2 Timothy 4:7)

Even though certain sports get more publicity than others, every athlete that steps up on a medal stand will receive the same reward. Whether archery, trampoline, kayaking or basketball, a gold represents the highest achievement in the specific event; each gold medal winner had to dedicate years to reach that level. Still, there have been thousands of gold medal winners whose names I'll never hear, let alone remember. But they're perseverance and dedication was rewarded.

The race that God has designed for me may never get my name in the newspapers. Of the tasks that God desires for us as Christians to do, I would guess as many as 90% will receive little or no thanks. But they're extremely important tasks. We can't all be pastors or deacons - if we were, who would play with the kids or prepare the coffee and food? In the end, God will reward us for our obedience - not by the measure of how many people know our name - but how joyfully we served.

One last thought...

Do you ever watch the medal ceremonies? I love to watch the pride that the gold medal athletes show when their country's flag is raised and their national anthem is played for them. At that moment, I can't imagine that one of them is thinking about how bad they're injuries have been, or how many times they've thrown up after a hard practice. They're drinking in the moment that all that sacrifice was working toward. It has to be the most exhilarating experience.

I imagine heaven will have that kind of experience. If I really work hard, and dedicate my life to being a disciple of Christ, some day God will turn to me and say, "Well done, my good and faithful servant." To receive that kind of acknowledgment in heaven for work I've done on earth, makes sacrifice here look like peanuts.

Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a huge crowd of witnesses to the life of faith, let us strip off every weight that slows us down, especially the sin that so easily hinders our progress. And let us run with endurance the race that God has set before us. ~Hebrews 12:1

Trash Cans and the American Dream

2008-08-05T05:00:00.002+02:00

Ok, I'm going to rant for just a moment or two.

Background: about a month ago, my roommates and I moved into a rental house. We love this place. It is spacious and in a safe neighborhood, right on a golf course. There's plenty of room for people to come hang out and allow this to be a community house. For two of us, this is our first time renting a house. For the other two, they rented a house in Blacksburg, but only a townhouse here. Also, growing up I lived in a really relaxed neighborhood outside the city limits where the regulations were basically "don't burn down your neighbor's house."

So now to the story: we have been working on getting one of the youth group kids at church to come mow our lawn to raise money so he could go to camp. Well, because of some phone tag and the lack of a mower, it's been about 2 weeks so admittedly, the grass is pretty long. Well Sunday we got a knock at the door. "Hi, you must be the new tennants. We have a really active homeowners' association here and I just wanted to warn you that you need to cut your grass or people may call the city."

"Oh," says I, "I'm sorry, I know it's much too long, I'll do it tomorrow."
Now, the man was very cordial - but definitely direct.

Then Monday (the next day) at work I got a phone call from our property manager who said that we got a CITY CITATION for our grass being too long and our TRASH CANS BEING VISIBLE FROM THE STREET. Not at the street. They were up next to the house, minding their own business, no trash sticking out - just visible from driving by.

Really? Is THIS the American dream? At first I felt bad. Then I got angry at whichever neighbor decided to tattle to the city about our misplaced trash cans. Then I just felt sad.

We (being upper-middle class America) live inside our comfortable bubbles where the most important thing we have to worry about in the day is the length of our neighbor's grass and the placement of their trash cans. We as a society (and me personally) don't even love our neighbors enough to know their names. More than a month and I haven't said more than hello to most of my neighbors.

The American Dream: a perfect house filled with 2 kids, a dog, a cat, and 3 fish with 2 nice cars in the driveway and a pool out back. Is that all there is? In the relentless pursuit of this dream have we missed something? When the fulfillment of our lives is based on the positioning of our neighbor's trash cans, we have missed something!!

I don't want this. I mean, I love this house, and I genuinely have a desire to be a good steward of this house. But I never want to live with such a near-sighted view of the world. Behind those houses with misplaced trash cans (and perfectly placed ones), there are people. People whom God is seeking.

Cool God Moment

2008-07-29T17:45:00.005+02:00

I learned a lot from the Girl’s Retreat, but one of the coolest moments was when God revealed something to me in my quiet time Friday morning. I had been working on my talks for the retreat for a while, and by Wednesday of that week they were ready to go. The second talk was focused around Psalm 139:14

I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made – Your works are wonderful, I know that full well.

Earlier in the week I had looked up the word “wonderfully,” and in Hebrew it is palah. It actually has a fabulous meaning.

פלה - Palah
1) to be distinct, marked out, be separated, be distinguished
a) (Niphal)
1) to be distinct, be separated, be distinguished
2) to be wonderful
b) (Hiphil) to make separate, set apart
*Reference: Blueletterbible.org

That’s a great thought. In English we use the word “wonderful” to say things like “that was a wonderful dinner” or “I saw a wonderful movie last night.” Palah means so much more than that. God considers each of us a miraculous creation. It's easy to look at 6 billion people on earth and think, Why am I any different than anyone else? In the grand scheme of things, I don't matter.

But God challenges that idea. Psalm 139 talks about how each person is set apart from birth. The same care and passion that God created the Himalayas and the Grand Canyon He used to create us. That’s just amazing to me.

But it gets better.

Friday morning I began my Beth Moore study called “Believing God” about having the faith to take God at his word. When she discussed people of great faith, she used the example of Joshua leading the people into the Promised Land by taking the city of Jericho.

She said, “Look at Joshua 3:5. Joshua is speaking to the people before God parts the Jordan river to lead them to Jericho.

Joshua told the people, “Consecrate yourselves, for tomorrow the Lord will do amazing things among you.
~Joshua 3:5 NIV

“The word ‘amazing’ in Hebrew is ‘Palah’”

What! I freaked out when she said that. She went on to describe the same word that I had just looked up. The same word that is used to describe God’s miracle of parting the Jordan River and conquering Jericho is used to describe God’s creation of each of us as His miracles! What an amazing lesson. It was really cool that God showed me that connection last minute so I could share it with the girls on Saturday.

This is why.

2008-07-20T06:31:00.003+02:00

So, anyone who's spent time in a church, or any organization for that matter, will know that politics is unfortunately inevitable. Sometimes the bureaucracy required to run a church makes me so crazy I could just scream. There are times that personality clashes or miscommunications can divide whole churches.

But then there are times where all that junk gets stripped away, and God reveals himself in an astounding way. This weekend has been God revealed.

26 middle and high school girls delved deeply into understanding what God has to say about our beauty. No girl walked out of this weekend unchanged. God reached these girls in ways that were written in the truth in their eyes, no words were necessary. It was an honor to be a part of.

Sometimes serving in a church is hard. Sometimes I ask myself why I keep running in circles. But this weekend reopened my eyes. Why do I do this?

This is why: So 26 girls can see the love of their Maker.

Unity

2008-07-15T05:13:00.006+02:00

National Community Church in Washington DC is one of my favorite webcasts to watch when I'm looking for really deep spiritual nourishment. One of their pastors in particular, Heather Zempel, has a fabulous wealth of knowledge and wisdom about the scriptures and their relevance. I love to feel that at the end of a message I know more about scripture than I did when I started.

But the series the church is in now is called "One Prayer." At first it sounded so basic. National Community Church is joining with churches around the world and spending time praying for unity among Christians. There are many times I hear messages and think, yeah yeah, same scripture, "be unififed, don't quarrel... yada yada yada... same message, different speaker."

But tonight I heard it with renewed eyes. Unity is not a message it's the message! Imagine the possibilities if we sold ourselves out in pursuit of the Acts 2 church. Craig Groeschel spoke the message about unity and he talked about these possibilities. We as a Christian community could single-handedly eradicate hunger, provide medical care to everyone in need, and most importantly, show the power of Jesus around the world. Not just tell the world about Jesus, but show Him and His love through a bowl of rice or a well of clean drinking water. The physical implications of spiritual unity are greater than any of us could envision.

If you'd like to watch the webcast or download the podcast about praying for unity - you can find it here.
And to know more about One Prayer - check out oneprayer.com

So, as I have been humbled tonight about this, I ask you to join me in praying earnestly for God to intervene with His people, and unite us for His mission to change the world.

Who needs another Billion dollars?

2008-06-25T05:05:00.004+02:00

“I don't think anybody can sit there and say, you know, 'I need another billion dollars,'" [Tim Durham, whose net worth is over $75 million] said. "Does another billion dollars help Warren Buffet? No. He doesn't need it to live on. He can probably make it on the first 50. But why does he keep going? Because it's a challenge. And I think that that's really what making money is about. After you get to a certain level where your basic needs are paid for. The rest of it is not necessary."

As for his own wealth, Durham insists he doesn’t need all the luxuries he can afford, but he doesn’t want to apologize for them either.

“You know, I think it's what a lot of people strive for," he said. "Everybody wants to live the American Dream.”

~MSNBC article 24 June 08

Our Bible study is walking through the book Searching for God Knows What by Donald Miller (author of Blue Like Jazz) and tomorrow night's discussion is on a chapter called "Adam, Eve & the Alien." Miller talks about how, if an alien came to earth, they would likely conclude that our entire society is based on comparison to others, which forces us to be in constant competition. I don't believe this is very far from the truth.

The article I quoted at the top of the page was on MSNBC, and I think reflects Miller's point. What if our society's materialism is not about our own comfort as much as it is about being better than the next guy? It is not necessarily that we want things for our own needs, we just want them because the proverbial "they" don't have what we have. Tim Durham (the multi-millionaire quoted in the article) says an interesting sentence:

"After you get to a certain level where your basic needs are paid for. The rest of it is not necessary."

This statement could have profound impacts on the nature of society. If everyone in America made a budget based on this concept, we could eradicate poverty around the world. This would be the fulfillment of an Acts 2 church (Acts 2:42-47) where none are in need because of the generosity of all.

But look at the context in which Durham says this statement.

"Does another billion dollars help Warren Buffet? No. He doesn't need it to live on. He can probably make it on the first 50."

50 BILLION? Is that really what it takes to fulfill "basic needs"? It only becomes competition after $50 billion? What about to get to that $50 billion, it was never about one-uping the guy next to him?

But I can't be too quick to judge multi-millionairs. What does it take to fulfill my "basic needs?" Why do I feel like it's necessary to shop at J. Crew over Walmart? I say nice things like, "The clothes are made of a better quality and therefore will last longer." But will $60 jeans from J. Crew really last 4 times longer than $15 jeans from Walmart? Isn't some of what I buy about a status point I feel like I have reached? It is the sub-conscience knowledge that I don't want to be associated with those Walmart-clothes-buying people. Why not? Because I have been enveloped into a society that is inundated with ranking.

Maybe it's time I re-think what "basic needs" are. Maybe the "American Dream" shouldn't be my dream.

Moving On Up!

2008-06-20T07:01:00.003+02:00

Tonight is the last night in my apartment. For the last year I have lived on my own. My own little apartment with all of my stuff exactly as I have wanted it. If I felt like leaving dirty dishes in the sink for a week, I could do it. If I felt like dragging my mattress into the living room to watch a movie, I could do it. It was my own sink, my own refrigerator, my own walk-in closet (which, I may have become spoiled by, and I don't know I could live without anymore), and my own little balcony. It's like I've been playing house or something. It has been really nice.

But it's time to move on. God has been challenging me on being too comfortable. I need to live with people, because then I will stop thinking so much about myself. I think roommates in a house are like pebbles in one of those rotating rock polisher things. We all get thrown into this enclosed space, get all shaken up, and bang against each other. Still, in the end we come out shinier and more refined than when we went in. All of our most jagged edges become much more obvious when they're constantly poking into someone else, and their edges are just as obvious when they sting me in return. I expect nothing different from living with these 3 women.

This move has been a test of faith, because I'm moving out with no guaranteed place for us to move into. We have run into road block after road block trying to rent a house, but we are confident that God will provide. We hope that whatever house God provides, people always feel comfortable coming over. This could be a great place for ministry and relationship-building and outreach. God, please provide such a place.

So tomorrow starts a new adventure. I'm a nomad for a while, but hopefully not long. And then I will be part of a make-shift family again. 4 women in one house (where ever that house might be), living together, growing together, and hopefully resovling conflict together somewhere shy of killing each other.

Sun, I dare you to rise. I am prepared to meet the challenge your new day brings!

Confessions of a Martha

2008-06-16T04:04:00.003+02:00

I think I stole this title. I'm not sure where it's from, but my head says it's not original. I've known for most of my life that in the story of Mary and Martha, I am a Martha. However, today it flared up badly.

The story goes that Jesus came to the house of Mary and Martha, and while he was teaching Mary sat attentively at his feet, listening to the word. Martha was running around cleaning and preparing food and such. She got frustrated and asked "Lord, doesn't it seem unfair to you that my sister just sits here while I do all the work? Tell her to come and help me." (Luke 10:40 NLT)

But Jesus didn't command Mary, he corrected Martha. "There is really only one thing worth being concerned about. Mary has discovered it-and I won't take it away from her." (vs 42)

Ouch.

My story started last night when a couple of the guys from FUSE (Sunday nights, 7pm at Glenwood - be there) were helping me move (see what nice guys come to FUSE?).

One of them asked me after the 10th or 11th trip down the stairs, "How many musical instruments do you have?!"

My response: "2 saxes, a bass, and a guitar."

His response: "Dude! Then why aren't you playing in the worship band?!"

Ouch. Without meaning to, he had struck a really hard chord for me. When we started talking about Fuse months ago I really REALLY wanted to play in the worship band. I haven't gotten to lead worship in more than 4 years and I really miss it. But after wrestling with God about it, I realized that there are many musicians and not nearly enough detail people, so God kicked me out of a band before I even got in it.

So this afternoon the set up team for Fuse was exactly 3 people (2 for the first hour). As I was hauling chairs, lifting couches, and preping food, the band was practicing on stage. I grew more, and more bitter by the minute. (And not just because 7 strong guys were on stage instead of lifting couches). I got bitter because they were doing the ministry I wanted to be doing. I don't like details, I am willing to take on administration roles because it is one of my spiritual gifts, but I don't like it. Buying food, preparing it, cleaning it up, hauling couches, setting up tables - none of that is fun. I want to lead worship!

After the service got even worse. Once most people had left, a few of us started to clean up. And by a few, I mean, a few. The rest sat around talking, playing guitar, or tossing a frisbee.

My head started yelling at God. "God, what's wrong with these people?! Don't they care about being a servant like me?! I'm doing a great service to God by not leading worship and doing these miserable jobs!"

And after that thought, God gave me a swift kick in the teeth. I was being a Martha. The people standing around talking were doing things far more important than anything I could be doing. The Kingdom of God is not built by carrying couches or washing dishes. Sure God appreciates it, but He values relationships far, far more.

Thanks God for the humility reminder. No amount of sacrifice I could give could come close to what you sacrificed for me. Maybe I'll learn someday, but I have a feeling I'll need many more reminders.

Eager Anticipation

2008-06-03T05:13:00.002+02:00

In a post a little while back I talked about how much I love words. I have discovered I learn not only from written words, but from spoken ones as well. I love to pray out loud. I love to recite scripture and feel the words roll of my tongue. The Psalms are my favorite to recite because they are poetry poured from the hearts of writers long ago. When I read the Psalms out loud I'm echoing words that thousands upon thousands of people have spoken and prayed and screamed before the Lord. What a legacy is held in these words!

I was struck by one verse in particular tonight.

Psalm 5:3
"In the morning, O Lord,
you hear my voice; in the morning
I lay my requests before you
and wait in expectation."

I looked up "expectation" in the dictionary and it says "eager anticipation." Do I sit before the Lord as a young child waits for Christmas morning? Do I long for interaction from the Lord in the same way new parents eagerly anticipate meeting their new infant?

What would happen if I really did get up in the morning, ask big things of God, and then "eagerly anticipate" what He will do in response?? I think I shall try to find out =)

FUSE Launch

2008-06-01T20:12:00.003+02:00

Tonight was the official launch of FUSE. All the time and energy poured into planning has now turned into a living, breathing venue. It is at times stressful, overwhelming, and difficult to manage. But other times, it has been amazing to see the power of God working.

I know this is just the beginning. There are many, many more weeks of this to come, and for that I am grateful. However, I know we will get tired. It is by the nature of being human that we get worn out sometimes. But tonight when I got home I listened to a sermon by a pastor in DC named Dick Foth and he said, "We are not working for God; instead we are working with God. Just that prepositional flip makes all the difference in the world as to whether we see ourselves as employees or as friends."

That concept is so foundational in the success or failure of FUSE. We are not breaking ground, instead we are picking up a shovel on ground in which God's already working.

God, allow me to wake up tomorrow and join you in the work you are doing.

Thirsty?

2008-05-28T03:44:00.005+02:00

So driving home from Nitelife tonight, I realized I was INCREDIBLY thirsty. Not like, oh I'll grab a glass of water when I get home, but like, I must find the nearest gas station and satisfy this thirst! Never have the lights of 7-11 shined so beautifully.

Normally I don't get that thirsty. I guess I had been running around for the last two hours and didn't slow down enough to realize how thirsty I was. It wasn't until I was sitting quietly in my car that my mind realized how much my body needed water.

All too often that is an analogy for my relationship with God.

Sunday night 10 of us packed in two cars to go film some video footage at a camp. Long story short - what should have been a 3 hour trip became a 5 1/2 hour trip. I was miserable. Two of the things I hate most in life are 1) getting lost and 2) being late. We were both.

So when we pulled into camp at 11:37pm, all I wanted to do was to go to bed. However, everybody else got all excited about making a campfire by the river, so I caved to the peer pressure and went along.

The firepit was set on the edge of a large clearing. The moment I stepped out of the car I was overwhelmed by how many stars filled the sky. At home, I forget how vast the sky is. The light pollution in the city prevents all but the brightest stars from being visible. In that clearing, no light competed with those stars - there were thousands.

Once the mini campfire was going, Dusty got out his guitar and started to sing praises. The sounds of worship filled the air. Then this sing came up:

So much wonder
Carved in your coral seas
So much wonder
Shaded by ancient trees
I consider all that your hands have made
Every newborn’s eyes, every new sunrise
No power can tame your presence
No light can match your radiance

LET ALL CREATION SING IN WONDER
EVERY SEA, EVERY CREATURE, EVERY STAR
YOU OPENED UP MY EYES TO WONDER
WHAT A VISION, WHAT A WONDER YOU ARE

Such a wonder
Ordering time and tide
Such a wonder
Bridging the great divide
I consider all that you had, all you gave
And all that you endured
From this rebel world
What a wondrous cross you chose to bear
What a wonder you would even care

LET ALL CREATION SING IN WONDER
EVERY SEA, EVERY CREATURE, EVERY STAR
YOU OPENED UP MY EYES TO WONDER
WHAT A VISION, WHAT A WONDER YOU ARE

LET EVERY ROCK CRY OUT
LET EVERY KNEE BOW DOWN
YOU OPENED UP MY HEART TO WONDER
WHAT LOVE, WHAT A WONDER YOU ARE

No power can tame your presence
No light can match your radiance
Such a wonder...
Such a wonder...

~Newsboys "In Wonder"

"You opened up my eyes to wonder; what a vision, what a wonder you are." I hadn't realized how much I had been missing the raw, open worship of God. I hadn't realized how much I needed Him to fill me up, because I hadn't stopped to notice I was thirsty. All of my frustrations about the trip melted when I placed them in context with this incredible God we serve. God was waiting in that field to show me the vastness of this universe He created. He was waiting to quench my parched soul.

LET EVERY ROCK CRY OUT
LET EVERY KNEE BOW DOWN

Words

2008-05-12T06:26:00.006+02:00

Words are my passion. The power of truth when it is spoken or written or sung is astounding to me. It is not about how many words can be said, but how well they are stated. My heart is always captured by passion overflowing into prose or poetry. Recently I have read books that have educated me, inspired me, and driven me to go into the world and share.

"Mere Christianity" by C.S. Lewis
- This man was a genius. Here's how you know. This book contains incredibly difficult concepts that have been debated for centuries. Concepts that have caused men to be saved, men to sin, churches to grow, and churches to divide. But he speaks about these concepts with simple illustrations in common language. It is a book that can open doors to conversations about difficult subjects by taking down the walls about what is acceptable to talk about at church. A smart guy knows a lot. A genius can teach the rest of us what he knows.

"Captivating" by John & Staci Elderage
- I loved this book because it was so raw and truthful. Yes, it talks about pain and spiritual warfare, but it also talks about love and beauty. All these concepts that my heart has known, they find a way to express in this book. It is affirming to know I am not alone in my struggles and my pain is justified. It was both a torment and a pleasure to read. It opened places I don't like talking about, but it reminded me of the incredible truth that God loves me in spite of my flaws.

"When Answers Aren't Enough" by Matt Rogers
- This was written by my pastor from NLCF in Blacksburg, VA. This was another book that stirred me because it is so raw. I told Matt that the courage it must have taken to write that book is more than I can imagine. It is a walk through grief and healing. This book is about the last year since the VA Tech shootings. He isn't afraid of talking about good vs. evil and feeling anger toward the evil that has occurred. But after showing the audience the pain that comes after something tragic, he walks towards hope. By the end of the book I was crying. Not with grief, but with overwhelming appreciation for the grace my Father has shown me.

To all those with something they've learned from God: please keep writing and telling what you know. I got incredibly frustrated with a TV evangelist who preached Fire and Brimstone with no grace or mercy. What if this is the only side of Christianity the world sees?

But I reminded myself, if I wish to show the world the Loving God I know, I must talk about Him. Sing about Him. Write about him.

How will the world know if they have never heard?

Stumbling into God's will

2008-05-09T04:53:00.005+02:00

Sometimes I think that finding the will of God is like the ultimate game of Where's Waldo. There are distractions and imitations that make finding truth nearly impossible

But every once in a while, I'll turn one page and there he is, right in the center of the page as obvious as day. God revealed his will in an amazing way tonight.

I've been praying for a while about my desire to build up a ministry of the girls in the youth group. For a few years they haven't had many women leaders, so many of them have been missing that strong female guidance. God has been teaching me about the importance of finding myself beautiful. I see so many of the challenges women face are based around the idea that we are not good enough, that we are not beautiful either physically, emotionally, mentally, or spiritually.

Well tonight I gathered a group of women together to talk about a retreat for the youth girls. I asked the question, "If you could go back and teach yourself any lesson in high school that you know now, what would it be?" I thought it would take a lot of thought, but answers came from everyone without hesitation.
"Don't go running after boys." "Seek God to fulfill you." "Don't build up walls against the world." "Wait on boys"... they went on and on. And when I said, "How about 'Finding ourselves beautiful' to summarize," everyone nodded.

Something God had made me passionate about he had given the same desire to everyone at that table. God is walking before us and we have stumbled right upon his will. Pretty awesome.

Thoughts on Great Women of Faith

2008-05-05T04:18:00.005+02:00

Last week at Bible study (Wednesday nights 9pm at James' house, everyone should go), we split girls and guys, and we girls got in a discussion about something that I struggle with all the time. All these great women of faith, the women who serve God until he takes them to heaven, the Mother Theresas and Ruth Grahams of the world, how did they do it? What kind of decisions did they make to get them where they were? Did they get up in the morning and think, "Yes, today I will serve the Lord in this..." or "I will sacrifice this for the good of the Kingdom." How many times a day did they do that? Weren't the exhausted of serving? How did they get refreshed from God? Is it possible that one day I might be able to join the ranks of such phenomenal women? Will I be able to follow the footsteps of Christ for 50 more years? Or will I be like so many others who grow weary and fall off the path.

I love 2 Timothy. Paul knows he won't live much longer and is sending Timothy his last words of wisdom. I hope someday I may be able to speak the words that Paul did:

"For I am already being poured out like a drink offering, and the time has come for my departure. I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith. Now there is in store for me a crown of righteousness, which the Lord, the righteous judge, will award me on that day - and not only to me, but to all who have longed for his appearing."
- 2 Timothy 4:6-8

FUSE Preview #1!

2008-04-28T04:16:00.008+02:00

It's 11:14pm Sunday night. I should have long since gone to bed, but I can't turn my brain off. What an incredible weekend. Way too much happened to put everything down, so I'll stick to tonight. It was the first preview service of Fuse and God absolutely showed up in an amazing way.

I guess a little background is required. 10 months ago when Kelsey, Steph, and I moved from Blacksburg to VA Beach, we had prayed for a church. Within weeks of arriving God pretty much dropped us on top of Coastal Community Church. I was really looking to help out with a youth group, and they were in desperate need of women youth leaders. We also connected really fast with the other youth leaders (most of which are our age), so Coastal became our church home.

Then, what started as a small band of six new friends, grew into a significant number of youth adults looking for a ministry of our own. So, Wednesday night Bible study began. It was just a group of us, hanging out, doin a little worship, and readin some scripture. Then a small group, became a bigger group, and it became apparent that God was really trying to do something here.

At the same time, Pastor Hank (lead pastor at Coastal) had been praying about reaching out to the 18-30 age group. This is a group that is frequently neglected within church ministry. For one thing, we're very mobile at this age - we change jobs, schools, towns, without much notice or worry because we have had little reason to sink roots anywhere. Also, we tend to be a skeptical age - focused on questioning and challenging the world as we know it - many times the church just doesn't know what to do with this type of questioning. So this means most churches just ignore this age until people get married and have kids and "settle down."

But, Pastor Hank issued a challenge to James (our student minister and now young adult minister) to start looking into the possibility of a venue devoted to our age.

For nearly 6 months we have been planning and praying for something we have named "Fuse". The definition of a fuse is an object "for the purpose of igniting an explosion." The goal of this is to affect this generation - to meet with people our age and seek the truth about this Jesus guy and what affect he might have on our lives.

So tonight was the big night. We had our first preview service. God really blew me away. We had more than 50 people show up. Honestly, where did they all come from? Clearly God was ready for this ministry to happen, he just asked us to show up and watch. That was quite an honor.

We all feel so over our heads with this task, but it has been incredible to see what God will do when we ask him for big things. We don't know what will come of this 6 months from now, or three weeks from now when we have our 2nd preview service, or for that matter tomorrow, but God challenged our faith tonight, and then came through 10 fold when we trusted him.

What an incredible night.

Intro to Freeboard Blogging!

2008-04-23T18:36:00.004+02:00

Wow, I guess this makes me a blogger. That's pretty cool. I will explain my draw to this concept of blogging, but first I must state my aversion to the world "blog" or any adjective, verb, or adverb derivative thereof. However, since I have used this term three times in three sentences, I must relinquish my bitterness and acknowledge that even if the word is pretty nerdy, I like what it represents. This is a chance for me to share some of my brilliance with the world (and in case you were unaware the four of you reading this do constitute "the world"). I also happen to have a brain that thinks random things in life are fascinating and incredible. When I relay these random moments of excitement to others, they usually think I'm crazy. So, I will release them here.
That's where the idea for this blog name came from - it's a three-fold answer.

"Free Board" because chalkboards in classrooms are constantly used to bring ideas before people for the purpose of discussion. I hope things I will about will ignite debate and open doors for new ideas to be shared and challenged.
"Freeboard" is the nautical term for "the vertical distance from the waterline to the top deck." Freeboard is one of the most significant indications of the safety of a boat. A boat without enough freeboard is will likely capsize with the smallest input of instability. I believe there are beliefs, people, and ideas in my life that ensure I stay stable in an unstable world.
Lastly, "Freeboard" was what my Ocean Engineering class (VT '07) used as the answer to all questions to which we didn't know the answer. "What is the purpose of the correlation allowance in relation to the eddy-making resistance?" "FREEBOARD!"; "What is the triple integral of the boundary layer at the point of transition?" "FREEBOARD!"; "What was the name of the army that defeated Napoleon at Waterloo?" "FREEBOARD!" (you get the idea).

So that's it, I'll explain more as we go on, but for now - at least this seems like a reasonable way to begin.

**1 warning: I cannot spell to save my life. So I apologize to all you excellent spellers out there for offending you.